Hangover + PMS + Muddy Floors + Loud Children = HateYesterday was absolutely beautiful. Lar and I had a barbeque with my brother, Rob, and my neighbors, The Squirrel-Slinging Fireman and his lovely wife, Bambi-Jo (not their real names). We indulged in many beers, many hot dogs, and inexplicably crunchy cheeseburgers, which, if I'd been sober, would have been totally humiliating. Rule #32 from "Ms. Lori's Handbook of Gracious Hostessing" (available at Amazon): One should never serve crunchy cheeseburgers to guests. Also from same book, Rule #45: Remove paper from cheese slices before placing them on chicken cordon bleu sandwiches, or you will forever be known as The Stupid Bitch Who Leaves Paper on Cheese Slices.
I'm not one who practices what she preaches, just ask The Squirrel-Slinging Fireman and his lovely wife, Bambi-Jo. I have broken both the above rules, as well as #14: If you spill beer on yourself while watching American Idol, do not call yourself a "big fucknose" and break down in tears of self-hatred lest your horrified guests quickly gather their belongings and mumble a hasty goodbye.
Okay, I didn't exactly break down in tears, but man, I sure was excited when Ace got the boot last night, hence my wildly flailing arms and subsequent spilt beer.
Now, my friendly friends, I must attend to this filthy, muddy, sticky-fingered house, as I'm expecting overnight guests Sunday. Rule #7 in "Ms. Lori's Handbook of Gracious Hostessing": If one is expecting overnight guests, one should vacuum, mop, srub and Windex until one's tits fall off.