One Whipped Mother

Mr. Butler's World! Episode II: The Beaver

Mommy says that she has a beaver, and I'm at a loss as to what to do about that problem. All I can do, I suppose, is offer Mommy comfort, be a good boy and not stick Play Doh up my nose like I did last week. So this morning, I patted her arm and said, "I love you, Mommy. You have a big beaver?"

Mommy said, "Yes, phlumpy pie, I have a big beaver, and it's just awful. It won't go down at all." After she said that, a strange look passed across her poor, white face (I don't like Mommy without make-up), a look that I can't possibly describe with my limited vocabulary.

Then she laughed loud and long. Why, I haven't a clue. Perhaps, as Mommy threatens quite often enough, she has finally lost her mind. I know that Daffy Duck loses his mind all the time, and it makes him laugh a lot. But I see nothing funny about big beavers. Especially when they make Mommy feel sick. They are scary.

I feel so badly for Mommy, really I do. I heard Mommy tell Daddy that beavers can be dangerous if they cost more than 105 degrees. Mommy's costs 102 degrees, I think. Why do beavers do that to people? I wish they would just stop costing so much.

Last night, while I attempted to fall asleep, Mommy and Daddy were laughing and laughing at something on T.V. Mommy said, "Oh, my God! I can't stop laughing at his face!" And Daddy said, "I know. He's especially cartoonish tonight."

Then it was quiet for a long time, and I began to get sleepy, but Mommy made my eyes snap open by laughing so hard, she started coughing and couldn't stop for, like, forty-eleven minutes. After her coughing fit passed, she said, "Lar, you do realize that if he wins, we must go ahead as planned. Don't wimp out on me, okay?"

And Daddy said, "Canada has really good beer, baby. Don't you worry about a thing."

Then I fell asleep until Cookie Monster knocked on my window. Cookie Monster is as bad, if not worse, than a big beaver.

posted by Ms. Lori @ 10:09 AM