Saturday, April 26, 2008

It's Bad

My mother has been going downhill -- rapidly -- since she began receiving "comfort" care a little under a month ago.

It has been unbelievably hard for me to see her this way. Most days, I do not want to visit her. The cancer is obviously in her brain now. Sometimes, she speaks like a six-year-old. Sometimes she calls out for her mommy.

And there are other things too awful to mention.

We finally found a good hospice house that will take her in, and I'm supposed to meet with them next Tuesday, but I feel in my bones she won't be leaving the hospital.

You know, I've witnessed loved ones go through the dying process before, but I've never, ever seen the agony my mother is going through.

I thought that was the stuff of fiction.

I swear to god, never saw anything like it...

20 Comments:

At 7:32 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

I'm so sorry, honey.v

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

the "v" there was part of my verification word thingie because apparently I can't type. It sort of robs the message of it's seriousness but you know what I mean.

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger Guernseygal said...

I wish there was something I could say to make things better - but there just isn't anything..
Know that others have been where you are and know what you are going through - hugs

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger Jeanne said...

My heart is with you. May your Mother find peace.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger kirby said...

Aw hell. I'm sorry.

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger MadCarlotta said...

I'm so sorry sweetie!

I lost my brother in much the same manner last year (malignant melonoma). I can't make it better for you or for her, but I can relate to what you are going through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

sending all my strength to you

 
At 11:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lori, you know I've been keeping up with you for several years now, haven't commented for a while but I'm sitting here hurting for you and your mom and want you to know that I'm thinking of you, your mom and your entire family. I hope you can gather strength from all the love everyone is sending you.

Jeni

 
At 7:41 AM, OpenID twoblueday said...

It's a raw deal.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger cedar said...

So sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it helps to think that your mother isn't experiencing the awfulness the same as you or perhaps as fully as ou are ableto at this time, perhaps pare of her has already left and her pain isn't as inteense as you feel or think it is, only a thought but it helps me and I believe its true.

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Jordan E. Rosenfeld said...

I wish you both whatever comfort you can find, however you may find it, and especially for you--tremendous support--big juicy "arms" of love surrounding you.

Sending love
Jordan

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Kristen Skov said...

My prayers are with you.

 
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