Monday, August 07, 2006

Fun-Filled Facts About My Weekend

1) The Ghost Hunt that I was supposed to attend on Saturday is postponed until September 30.

2) So Lar and I went to a party instead.

3) I met one of the most interesting and adorable human beings ever.

4) He has piercing ice-blue eyes and, due to a near-fatal car accident in his twenties, a dent in his head big enough to fit a small woman’s fist.

You may be wondering how it is that I know a small woman's fist would fit in his head-dent. Aw, c'mon, sure you are. Well, the man actually grabbed my hand while we were conversing on a completely different subject, which, naturally, startled me a bit, and proceeded to plunge it into the head-dent while shrieking, "Feel the dent! Feel it!" It was an awesome experience.

5) I love his wife, too. So I think I’ll adopt them.

6) A six-year-old girl, with whom I’d just become acquainted, asked me my name. I told her, and she said, “I wish my last name was Young.”

“Really?“ I said, “why is that, honey?”

“Well, because I’m young, so Young would be a good name for me!”

I nodded and said, “Ah, of course. Perfectly good name like that wasted on old, old me…”

“Oh, but you’re a young old person, so it’s okay!”

7) I ate approximately 4.2 lbs of ham yesterday. And a bucket of cheddar cheese mashed potatoes. A bushel of salad. A half gallon of chocolate almond ice cream. And that’s after consuming a pile of shit on a shingle (for lunch), with a lovely fried egg sandwich as a chaser.

8) Jesus help me, I forgot to include the kids’ bridge mix I stole out of the cupboard. I ate every last chocolate-covered morsel.

9) Even after all of that abnormal chowing, it wasn’t until I felt like elbowing Lar in his thyroid gland, just for making one of his usual bad pun/jokes, that I realized I’m currently in the throes of raging PMS.

10) I watched the season premiere of ”Flavor of Love” last night (my very guilty pleasure). One of the skanky hos pooped her pants during the elimination round. Flavor Flav almost vomited.

Wow. I just realized the irony of a skank pooping her pants during the elimination round.

94) I’m not feeling my best this morning.

8 Comments:

At 2:30 PM, Anonymous aphid said...

Fun-Filled Facts About My Reading About Your Weekend:

1) Sorry your ghost hunt got postponed; even though I don't believe in ghosts, the concept of hanging out in weird creepy places is still pretty cool.

2) Glad you met alot of interesting people at the party.

3) Although reality shows are the work of satan, I'm so envious that you got to see someone crap themselves on TV. I know it makes me a horrible person for thinking that that's awesome, but . . . that's awesome.

4) Your blog rules.

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger Alice said...

“Oh, but you’re a young old person, so it’s okay!”

Don't you just love kids?

I on the other hand would probably be described as am OLD young person.

I'm a grumpy old woman in a 21 year old's body.

...Heeeyyy. I sense a Blog post in that...

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Alice said...

An.
An.
I meant 'an'.

NOT 'am'.

BANJO BOY, GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO KICK IT...

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

i am gonna look for the pants pooping on you tube. which skank was it? the blonde? I read that gosip columnist Perez hilton (that guy knows everything) He mentioned this last week. He loves that show and has already picked out a group of 3 skanks to watch that he calls "the trinity." check out his site, it is hilarious.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Redneck Nerdboy! said...

All that abnormal chowing and PMS. Lori, you are probably the coolest read on the blogosphere... this side of the Red Light District!

Love you.

 
At 5:19 PM, Blogger Editor at Large said...

Can we trade weekends with you? We spent ours at a resort in central Oregon called Sunriver, where it almost never rains - except when we're there. It rained, it thundered, it lightninged (didn't know that was a word, did you?)...and oh, yeah, the wind blew like a Chinatown-taming whore.

But that was the fun part. At the end of it all, after our 4-hour drive back home from "Sun" river, we discovered that we had accidentally left behind our bathroom bag - containing, in addition to actual bathroom-related things, some other stuff that should be legal. And at this particular rental unit, stuff that should be legal is explicitly and strictly verboten.

Did we turn right around and head back to snag the contraband-containing container? Are you kidding? That would have been crazy! Instead, we called the owner of the rental unit and asked him to have his cleaning crew FedEx it to us. That's right: we risked discovery not only by the cleaning crew, but by the nosy German shepherds at the FedEx hub in Memphis, Tennessee! Which could have made us subject to federal prosecution, instead of a local hand slap! Smart, huh?

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Today FedEx delivered our bathroom bag - all contents intact and undisturbed.

Unlike our nerves.

So...can we still trade weekends?

 
At 7:37 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Aphid,
1) The creepiest place on the planet just might be my oldest daughter's room. Wanna go on a hunt? ;-)

2) I did meet some lovely folks there...

3) Sometimes Satan can be highly entertaining.

4) THANK YOU!!!

Alice, see my post on your post about this post. Er...

Cassandra, I read Perez Hilton almost every day -- gotta love it! And yeah, you MUST find a clip of that, because, really, there's nothing more uplifting than poopy-panted skanks.

Jas, thank you, darling! And you go to The Red Light District?! Really? The site run by Cat?

Editor, why you little scamp! Though I feel great compassion and empathy for you, I can't help but be amused. You rock, sir(s).

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Azgreeneyes said...

Michele sent me over, and I'm so glad, this list cracked me up! I'm going to go searrch for Flavor of Love reruns!!

 

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