Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Arthritic, Arthurian and Archie Bunkeresque

My boy (upon seeing a picture of a withered crone on some stupid high fantasy site I was visiting): Mommy, is that you?

Me: Why, yes, sweetheart! It certainly is!

My boy: You look ugly and mean on there.

Me: Go to your room, boy.

Okay, that exchange didn’t really happen, but damned if I don’t feel like an ugly old witch. Freaking, frigging rheumatoid arthritis hurts! Makes me very mean indeed. As an example, I’ve been having vivid daydreams in which I take the podium at one of those rally thingies going on lately -- you know, the rally thingies that are laughably being compared by some to the civil rights rallies and marches of the sixties? -- and I look out onto the sea of waving Mexican flags, raise a bullhorn to my curled lip, and say this: In the phrase “illegal immigrant,” what part of “illegal” do you not understand? Ah, that’s right -- you don’t speak English, do you? My bad.

***click-click-click-click-click-click*** (the sound of One Whipped Mother being deleted from bookmarks and blogrolls all over the world)



At 11:05 AM, Blogger Alice said...

Are you KIDDING?? I would LOVE to say that to some of the 'ethnic minorities' around here.

Before anyone flames me, I agree that anyone fleeing from persecution deserves help and compassion, but with all due respect and honesty; for every genuine case of woe, there are seemingly twenty more lying scumbags that waltz into OUR country, refuse to learn English (unless of course "money" or "benefits" come into the equation), work illegally or claim benefits illegally (sometimes both at the same time), slag off, threaten and generally rudely insult and disrespect the British and their values, commit crimes that are quite often racial or religiously based and, oh yeah, get away with it because in the current climate they have quite often untouchable by law (EG: the guy that killed a child in a stolen uninsured car after driving drunk and without a licence walked free from court because the judge couldn't legally charge him) more rights than I do, like the black guy who shouted "WHITE SLAG" at me once as a policeman walked by, who did nothing until I told him (the black dude, not the policeman) to bugger off and get a life, upon which I was immediately reprimanded by the copper for acting aggressively in a racist manner and was apparently lucky I wasn't going to be arrested. Or like the people that have enough influence to ban Christmas parades (Santa's sleigh, and all that crap) because it "offends" them, yet kick up a stink when their religious beliefs are not encouraged in Church of England schools...There are hundreds if not thousands more examples, and not many are as nice and inoffensive as mine. Illegal economic immigration in this country has become a real problem thanks to our open boarders, and now the British public is paying the price.

Anyway! You are NOT ugly. I'm sorry you're in pain. Get the hospital(s) to dose you up on good quality morphine - stuff's goooood.

Funny you should mention being "ugly" though, because I've just taken the plunge and posted my picture on One Girl & Her Cats...

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Alice said...

Missed out some words there. SHOULD be;
...him) "AND HAVE" more rights than I do...

*sigh. sigh*

At 11:32 AM, Blogger leenie71689 said...

Hi Cupcake! I've been catching up on your blog this morning - a dreary, rainy cold day - blah! I loved your Jack Black thing! So HYSTERICAL!!! Hope you are well. Hugs and Kisses - Leenie P.S. I don't really know what you look like (your profile pic is mysterious) but now that I know you and Heather are twins - I think I'm in love;) You should come to South Beach with me in a few weeks - that would be a crazy great time!!! XXOO_E

At 12:46 PM, Blogger David Niall Wilson said...

I'm thinking, take some information from the gathered protestors. Grant them immunity if they provide the name of the person or business they took the day off from working for - the fine THOSE bastards, use the money to create some English courses and help these folks.

Seriously. If we need foreign labor here in the US, why not go through proper channels to get it? It isn't like forgiving the fines on library books....is it?

SEXUAL OFFENDERS - one time amnesty, just come forward and all is well... Sheesh...

And I have it on good authority you are not ugly, but look like Heather Locklear (your child would NOT lie to us).


At 3:47 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Oh, Alice, my little racist...JOKE! ;-) ;-) ;-) I see you have some of the same issues in the UK, eh?

BTW, I left a comment over at your place. If my neighbor, The Squirrel-Slinging Fireman, ever sends me the pics he took of me and Lar the weekend before last, and I approve, I shall post them here so you all can make fun of me.

Leenie, South Beach? I'm so there.

David, nope, not ugly at all, but definitely a Haglear (cross between a hag and a Locklear). No one had better wave ANY flag in my face other than the good ol' red, white and blue, or they shall face the wrath of the Haglear! Brrrr. I even scare myself.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Go Alice! It's your birthday!
Go Alice! It's your birthday!

At 8:27 PM, Blogger G-Man said...

Interesting how being politically correct overrides how we often really feel. In Canada we have Native Canadians blockading a subdivision because they are claiming it's their property. This is causing all kinds of shit, especially because our provincial government doesn't want to physically move them. Sensitive shit.
My politically incorrect question to the Natives/Indians, which surfaced because of your post is, "What part of the word conquered do you not understand?".

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

G-Man, I have the utmost compassion for Native Americans -- bigtime. I'm not familiar with the situation you describe, so I can't comment on that, but I will say that the US gov't continues to screw over our native people (especially here in the northeast), and that shit just ain't right. Power to the Seneca Nation, man!

I also feel much compassion for immigrants who come over here LEGALLY. Who show RESPECT for their chosen home. Who bother to ASSIMILATE into their new country. I do NOT have compassion for those who feel they are above the law then dare to whine, bitch and protest when faced with paying the piper.

My maternal great-grandparents were from Italy, and my nana says that when she was a girl, she and all nine of her siblings were forbidden from speaking Italian. "You're in America now," her mother said, "so you speak English." My great-grandfather owned a vegetable farm, worked dawn to dusk feeding his ten children, took nothing from this country but gave it everything. They faced prejudice despite the fact they were LEGAL immigrants who worked their asses off, paid taxes, and contributed to their community, yet they never said one unkind word about their fellow (bigoted) Americans. God knows my great-grandfather would've rather cut off his arm than even think of expressing anything other than gratefulness for the opportunities he was given.

And here we have a bunch of folks who somehow feel ENTITLED to the things we are blessed with, ENTITLED to demand rights, privileges and a paycheck despite not being American citizens. Change our anthem? Fucking hell. It boggles the mind.

At 12:15 AM, Blogger e-blackadder said...

Hey ho, nice to meetcha. :P

1: Ta for the comment on my blog. Nice to know someone reads it some times. Did a new one tonight, you'll prolly love it.

2: Your blog rocks. I bet you are a fucking riot to hang out with.

3: As mentioned before, your profile pic is definitely different. Got a feeling that pic will inspire a short story before the year is out, lol. (Makes me wonder what your tattoos are, ;) ).

4: Never feel bad about speaking truth. Most of the info we get is shallow or tainted... talk hard and never back down. :P

At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Jeni said...

Hello Ms. Lori, just checking in with you and see you're just a tad riled about recent going ons.

You know, I completely agree with you in that I don't have a problem with legal immigrants but do have one with the illegals. The "they're just here to make money for their families, etc." doesn't really cut it when you consider that part of becoming LEGAL involves being medically sound so as to not drain our resources and put the rest of the population at risk.

Part of the medical requirements is to ensure the safety of the rest of us. Coming in unchecked puts us all in a certain degree of health risks. TB is seen frequently within the illegal community and that stuff is nothing to play around with. You can catch it by simply breathing in the air particles by being in the same room with a carrier. I shudder every time I patronize a restaurant where members of the staff can't speak English.

A few weeks ago we went out to dinner at one of those buffet places and when I asked the young woman who was working the desert station which of the deserts were sugar free all she could do was shake her head and tell me 'no English.' Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal to most people but when you have a kid with diabetes with you, you really need to be able to find out basic nurtition information from somebody who can communicate with you. I finally caught up with the manager via phone the next day and he blew me off with a 'with the labor market being so tight, we have no choice but to hire non English speaking Hispanics.' Bullshit, I live in this area and know of too many teenagers and young adults who can't find a freaking job!

I think that from now on I'll make a point to speak to a manager at any establishment we go to and let them know that if I have to hunt down someone that can communicate with me, I'll take my business elsewhere.

BTW, here's the blog of the sheriff in the county next to where we live and his approach to illegals in his county. http://butlersheriff.org/blog/

At 8:56 AM, Blogger David Niall Wilson said...


Remember the good ol' days when people immigrated desperately to America to become citizens and live the American Dream?

Anyone who believes that illegal immigration isn't a problem should skip the Mexican issue and visit Miami for a while.



At 10:51 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Hey Blackadder! Thanks for the kind words -- and the feeling is mutual. I checked out your blog some time ago after reading one of your posts on Brian Keene's board (the one where you ranted about the horrible week of puking, your ex-wife, the kids, etc.). You have my sympathy and respect. ;-)

Jeni, I understand that learning a new language is difficult, especially English, but many illegals don't even *try* to learn, hence the Spanish phonebooks, Spanish television, Spanish advertisements, etc. The US is accommodating to an extreme, imo. Now they're forcing teachers in some parts of the country to adopt a bilingual curriculum, which is just as weird as the stupid ebonics crap foisted on them in California.

I live in very diverse community with legal immigrants from India and Afghanistan to China and Russia. My kids are friends with many of their kids, and these folks are assets to our community. They are Americans, plain and simple. I love that my kids learn about other cultures and have the opportunity to appreciate our differences *and* our similarities. They've heard firsthand accounts of the horrors of the Taliban, tried delicious exotic foods, worn saris, and laughed hysterically at fart jokes with their friends. People is people.

But people who can't respect our laws, who believe that they have a right to "skip ahead" of other folks who are patiently going the legal route, can kiss my American ass.

David, and Los Angeles, too. And NYC. My brother never cared one way or the other regarding illegals until he went to UCLA. Wish he would write something on here about his experiences both there and in NYC. What he saw in those places angered him, changed him. It opened his eyes to this very real problem, to the drain on our economy and our justice system. He couldn't believe the rudeness he encountered, the blatant disregard for our laws, for common courtesy and respect for their “hosts.” Bah. It’s a mad world.

At 3:12 PM, Blogger David Niall Wilson said...

When I was in the NAVY - long long ago -- we had some foreign national students on the Great Lakes Naval Training Center Base from Iran...they actually barbecued a goat in the barracks...would NOT shower...they had so little respect for our ways that it astonished me at the time.

I've seen a lot of various places where ethnic groups did, and did not get along...and I find it odd that it is only shouted down as prejudice if it's white folks who are guilty - but if others do it it's ethnic pride...

It's all hateful. If you want to live in the US - act like you do. If you want to live in - some other country, go there... no one is stopping you, you know? But don't try to recreate that country here and defend your borders....



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