Friday, August 24, 2007

#7 in My Series of “Incredibly Bad Poetry by Celebrities or Fictional Characters”

Vodka Does a Body Good

by Vladimir Putin


Comrades! Gather 'round
And I shall regale ye with hilarious tales
Of my adventures, all
True
Listen to me speak, with open mind
and open gullet
For I am not only fantastically masculine
I am wise, and I have much white lightning
In my pants

I rode my steed, dear Joseph
O'er the unforgiving, lady-like terrain of Tuva
With effortless though practiced grace -- observe!
Am I not manly, do I not appeal to your aesthetics?
I frighten myself with my own machismo
And sexual fires

My skills include handling a rod, as well
Note how my forearms are large as briskets!
My tender expression, as I gaze to my left
Reflects the yearning in my breast
For the days of yore
When I was very, very, very handsome
In fashionable, terrifying suits
As I made The People quiver with fear
And, I suspect, lust

I caught many fish, some big, some small
I brought home the sturgeon
Fried it up in a pan
While at the same time
Handling government affairs
Competently
According to state-guided media

The Americans should be so lucky

President Bush, you are a giant potato
That is half baked
Who rides like a woman
And catches no fish

4 Comments:

At 1:57 AM, Blogger jexebel said...

Putin's oddly sexy in that photo. In a pale, boiled fish kind of way.

 
At 3:06 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

This made me laugh, hysterically. At work.

And yeah, he's sort of ... not bad at all.

This distresses me.

 
At 10:29 AM, Anonymous gerry rosser said...

Yeah, that is incredibly bad poetry.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Jexebel, "...a pale, boiled fish kind of way" indeed. ;-)

Rabbitch, we're both just a couple of beer-chugging albeit intelligent ho-ho heads who are easily intoxicated by the sight of semi-nude, powerful, brutish men.

Do not be distressed -- be proud.

Gerry, good thing he still has his day job, eh?

 

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