Friday, July 20, 2007

Kirk Cameron is Smart!

All right, here's the rundown: Been doing stuff, feeling stuff, annoyed by stuff. Hands hurt, look like Muppet hands, only not as colorful.

Rheumatoid arthritis is the shit! I mean, who wouldn't want hands like a Muppet? Very handy (pun!) when it comes to scaring small children.

Thing is, I must shave my mother's head today (how many of you have that on your daily schedule, huh?), and as cool as my Muppet hands are, they're not exactly working properly...Think I'll fortify myself beforehand with a Blue Light (or two), perhaps a Vicodin. Maybe a bologna sandwich.

Oh, don't worry, kids, no exposed, potentially lethal blades involved -- I'll be using clippers on Maw, will make sure the buzzing flappy thingie is set very high, so's not to, you know, accidentally scalp her.

Don't want to scalp my mother, oh, hell no.

Hey, speaking of hell, if you have a minute, or perhaps an hour, check out Kirk Cameron's nifty site of shame. Go ahead, if you're interested in having a good laugh. Seriously, I'll never look at a banana now without thinking of Kirk.

I also will never be able to say his name without smirking. Or referring to him as: Captain Kirk of the Starship Gloria in Excelsis Deo, Kirk of Nazareth, Kirkus Christ, Quixotic Kurt of Kalamazoo, Kirk, Son of Cthulu... Kirky, Kirky, Who is a Bit Jerky.


Listen, if any of you happen to be fundamentalist Christians, and are appalled or offended by my obvious disdain for this mentally disturbed man and his, um, philosophies?

Please accept my sincerest fuck you.


At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that Kirk is ten kinds of smug. Here's hoping that the next time he confronts a bunch of frog killing teens, he's on his way to a costume party dressed as Kermit.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Hee hee!

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Granny said...

I'll go check him out.

At 1:46 PM, Blogger Granny said...

I saw the front page. That's enough - thanks.

At 11:19 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

But Ann, you didn't get to hear the banana theory! THE BANANA THEORY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

I don't blame you one bit.

At 11:56 AM, Anonymous twoblueday said...

I didn't see no banana. Maybe I didn't watch enough of this drivel, but . . . no banana. Who are these dipshits and why are they preaching at us?

Here's my position: truth is not altered by belief. A guy in Fargo is biting into a ham sandwich right now, or not, but whether or not I believe that to be so is irrelevant, immaterial, and a waste of my mental energies. For my money, the same is true of all things that exist (or not). My opinion about them means nothing to the fact or nature of their existence.

Now, I realize the superstitionists are not satisfied that their ghosts (gods) exist and are active or not, they require that one have a state of belief (faith) about the subject. They are so convinced of this that they take the position that (stay with me, this is really their position) you can behave as badly as you want to (murder, rape, steal, look at child porn, run for public office) in this life so long as while you are conscious, and before you croak, you declare that (their particular) god is the boss, you really truly believe that, and are really sorry you were such a piece-of-shit human, and you'll get to "heaven." On the other hand you can live the life of a saint, but if you die without holding the correct set of beliefs, your "soul" is doomed to some really bad situation for all eternity.

Every time I think about superstition, the illogical shit I just reported above comes to mind. So long as I lack the proper set of beliefs, Charles Manson has a better shot at living in paradise than I do--if he accepts (the correct) god and repents. Ditto for all the other evil motherfuckers who have walked and still walk the earth.

What??????????? What the fucking fuck????? And, Kirk and his nerdy pal believe I'm nuts for accepting the possibility that the big bang and evolution are the real deal?

Religion is now, and always has been, nothing but a man-invented power trip. That's my view.

At 1:56 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Amen, brother Gerry! Amen!

The banana thing, btw, is in one of the ten thousand video clips...He claims that the banana was made specifically for human hands, thus proving intelligent design.


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