Friday, June 29, 2007

I Told You Phones Were Evil...

I'm a longtime hater of phones -- hate the way they look, sound, feel. Hate using them, hate speaking to disembodied voices, squirming through uncomfortable silences, vapidly staring at the wall while smiling and nodding at air.

Salespeople get to you through phones. Fund-raising hooligans bother you at dinnertime. Your mother calls when you're getting your freak on. Sure, you could just let her leave a message, but she'll keep calling, keep leaving messages, and the sound of her voice will cause your significant other much aggravation, will put a damper on things.

By the forth message, you and your honey muffin will be sober as popes, and the whipped cream will have turned into soup.

Phones are a hideous creation, to be sure. Alexander Graham Bell, I once read, was a disciple of Aleister Crowley.

No, I didn't really. But still.

Phones are evil, evil, evil, and anyone who does not realize this fact -- or worse, disagrees -- is a fool. Satan is reaching out to the masses via phones, he'll grab you with his smoky fingers and choke the life out of you if you're not careful.

And your soul will be his.

Throw your cell phones in the trash, people. Employ only one line in your home, and use it only for emergency purposes. You want to talk to a friend? Write a goddamed letter, like back in the good old days, when folks knew how to spell. Make a date to actually see your friend face-to-face.

Think I'm crazy, do you? Think Ms. Lori has finally lost the last five working brain cells she had left in her slightly misshapen skull?



At 10:41 AM, Blogger Guernseygal said...

Yeah I hear you :-)
I have mixed feelings about my phone. One one hand it is my comfort blanket that allows my kids to contact me in times of crisis. On the other hand it is a horrible thing that rules my life.

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Granny said...

My phone is just a phone. I own it, not the other way around.

We have two cell phones, no land line anymore although I may reinstall it eventually.

I'm perfectly happy to let them ring forever if I don't recognize the number and sometimes even if I do.

I'm in the same position as guernsey gal. I have to be reachable quickly and if it weren't for my cell, I'd never get out of the house. Or I would but I'd be on pins and needles until I returned.

At 6:37 AM, Blogger W. Olivia said...

Do what I do. Turn the ringer to OFF.


At 9:35 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

I think I may have done a poor job getting my odd humor across here....Did you lovely ladies click on the link? THE HORROR!

Seriously, it freaked me out.

Yeah, phones are important, unfortunately, though I try to avoid them as much as possible, but I wasn't serious about people throwing theirs away. Maybe the families in that story SHOULD, though. ***shudder***

At 1:17 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

Ew. That's just creepy.

btw, is that you who phoned me at 2am last night and just kept muttering obscenities and breathing heavily? I was pretty sure I recognized your voice.

At 2:44 AM, Blogger Granny said...

I knew enough to know when you're serious and when you're having fun.


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