Friday, March 09, 2007

Pissed Off, Yet Amused (Pused?)

Why won't the "New Blogger" keep me signed in? Big pain, especially considering my DSL is running approximately 27 kbyomamas, half the speed of dial-up, and it takes about ten minutes to sign in here. I feel hatred.

I can't even visit my favorite blogs or MySpace pages because the DSL is so slow, it won't load pages, no matter how many times I hit refresh.

So that's why I haven't been visiting or commenting on your blogs, people. And that's why I'm stinking drunk on screwdrivers before noon. All right, maybe not "stinking drunk," but I am buzzed off of the two I indulged in. I rarely drink during the week, let alone before noon, so this is unusual for me. But it's been a rotten couple of weeks regarding Internet speeds. I'm only human. I can only take so much before self-medicating, you know?

I am not happy when my Internet experience is a slow, painful one.

I'll mention this to my shrink, whom I will be seeing at five this afternoon. Perhaps she'll offer some advice pertaining to fucked up DSL and how drunken, frustrated people with Asperger's might overcome compulsions to throw the computer across the room. But I doubt it.

Hey, a thought just popped into my head: What if, all of a sudden, I yelled "NOBBLE NOSE!" in the middle of our session today? Would the good doctor smile? Would she frown? Would she join in by shouting "BEHEMOTH BUTTOCKS"?

During our session last week, she laughed out loud (then quickly covered her mouth and apologized) after I told her how I regularly shriek "you dirty whore!" at my vacuum cleaner. I'm thinking she may laugh if I were to suddenly shriek "Nobble nose!" but one can't be sure of these things. Perhaps I should just keep my nobble nose to myself...

In other news, my boy answered the phone yesterday by saying, "Ohmygod! Who is this?"

He simply won't answer with the proper "hello?" It's either, "Who is this?" or "Yes, what do you want?" Now he's added "Ohmygod! Who is this?" to his repertoire. I'm at a loss. Yet highly amused.

Have a wonderful weekend, you bunch of nobble-noses.


At 7:53 PM, Blogger Carol said...

When I met my husband he answered the phone like this "Greetings and salutations"!

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Fallen Star said...

If I feel especially playful I answer the phone by whispering, "There are bodies in my crawlspace."
Most times, however, I just respond, "What?"

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Lunacy said...

Your little boy's telephone manner actually made me laugh out loud. Good one.


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