Alice B. Good
I bought a new vacuum cleaner! A blue and chromconia (fake chrome) little minx with a sleek, Jetsonesque, streamlined figure and long, elegant attachments that would reach the moon if I was so inclined to clean the moon.. Which I just might do if I come into any good blow sometime soon. I enjoy cleaning when I snort a little snow. Really gets the initiative up, you feel what I’m saying? Ah, just kidding. No I’m not. Yes, I most certainly am. Not. Shut up, Ms. Lori. No, you shut up! Look, if I have to tell you one more time to shut your enormous piehole...Anyway.
It’s beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy as hell, and she’s mine, all mine!
My vacuum cleaner kicks ass!
The hell did I just say? Did I just say my vacuum cleaner kicks ass?!
Help, please. I think my hair is knotting up into one big beehive ala Alice the lovable housekeeper from the Brady Bunch.
What has happened to me? God, the horror of suburbia..
posted by Ms. Lori @ 4:22 PM
4 Comments:
At least you didn't receive it as an annivesary or Valentine's Day gift. Oh, wait, did it come with any "special" attachments?
sounds like a helluva machine. hope its not an Oreck. mine constantly leaves me wanting more. the hell...? ;P
i suspect the brady bunch has nuthin on you
Gary, you bastard. I have dropped the vacuum cleaner (for now) in favor of my brand new bag o' meth (thanks Joshie).
Jen, those attachments are very special indeed. I've named the crevice cleaner "Brad." We're very happy.
Nope, not an Oreck. I heard they sucked. HAW! I kill me.
Alan, both. Although I must confess that Eddie is difficult to understand at times, so I pretend to know what he's saying, just to be polite.
We need some serious therapy here....
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