Alice B. GoodI bought a new vacuum cleaner! A blue and chromconia (fake chrome) little minx with a sleek, Jetsonesque, streamlined figure and long, elegant attachments that would reach the moon if I was so inclined to clean the moon.. Which I just might do if I come into any good blow sometime soon. I enjoy cleaning when I snort a little snow. Really gets the initiative up, you feel what I’m saying? Ah, just kidding. No I’m not. Yes, I most certainly am. Not. Shut up, Ms. Lori. No, you shut up! Look, if I have to tell you one more time to shut your enormous piehole...
It’s beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy as hell, and she’s mine, all mine!
My vacuum cleaner kicks ass!
The hell did I just say? Did I just say my vacuum cleaner kicks ass?!
Help, please. I think my hair is knotting up into one big beehive ala Alice the lovable housekeeper from the Brady Bunch.
What has happened to me? God, the horror of suburbia..