Thursday, February 24, 2005

I Want to be Like Bev

So, anyway, I saw that Bev Vincent has Ten Things I’ve Done That You Probably Haven’t on his LiveJournal, and I felt compelled to do the same on my blog.

However, as I often feel the need to be more annoying than the rest of the human race, I have tweaked the following LiveJournal fad a bit. Plus, I’ve done too many freaky things to narrow them down to only ten. Behold...

Twenty Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't!

1) Knocked boots with a former Sex Pistol.

2) Worn a Mohawk -- I believe I may have been the first bitch in Rochester to do so.

3) Appeared in a table of contents with Stephen King -- twice.

4) Been arrested at the Canadian/American border.

5) Partied with Billy Idol, The Damned, Foghat, Exploited, Neil Schon (ex-Journey guitarist) etc., etc. No, I didn’t sleep with them, but I did become good friends with one of the guys in Foghat...Till I screwed that up by being an asshole.

6) Fought for my life. Literally. I know what it‘s like to believe you‘re going to die by the hand of another human being.

7) Traveled overseas with a madman who smuggled a gun into that country.

8) Won three hundred bucks playing craps my first time in Atlantic City -- without knowing what the hell I was doing.

9) Brought a very tall, broad-shouldered well-known author to my mother’s home for Christmas Eve dinner -- wanted to die when, as she took his coat for him, said, “Jesus, this is a heavy coat -- what is this? The whole cow?”

10) Lived in an abandoned storefront in England.

11) Have, on numerous occasions, been mistaken for famous people, asked for my autograph. I happily complied.

12) Stole a gravestone, a small but heavy cross that said simply “Father.” I am ashamed.

13) Gained hundreds of pounds during my four pregnancies and lost them all within months of giving birth (I averaged 80 pounds gained during each one).

14) Was given full scholarship by a prestigious university workshop to study under Hayden Carruth, and I backed out at the last minute. I am, as we all know by now, an asshole.

15) Ate goat, and liked it. Thanks for the experience, Ms. Olivia.

16) Was almost attacked by a rabid fox -- I discovered that I am able to move faster than lightening.

17) Arm-wrestled with Jon Bon Jovi’s roadie while Jon and my soon-to-be husband watched -- the roadie won.

18) Saw a UFO. Really.

19) Was accosted by something supernatural, something evil, while spending the night at my mother’s. It changed my life.

20) Am living out my childhood dream of being a writer.


At 4:05 PM, Blogger keef said...

holy CRAP we need to hang out.

At 4:25 PM, Blogger J. Stephen Reid said...

Your list is way better than mine.

I'd like to hang out with you too, but you'd probably ditch me to go get arressted in Denmark or something.

At 5:27 PM, Blogger P.J.Backman said...

This the point where we all gather around you, in unison, drop to our knees and chant "We're not worthy!"

Good Lord, girl... "The Shit" longs to be called "The Ms. Lori" —you're that cool.

At 6:14 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Keef, well then, you and Barb come on up to Rawchester and I'll ply you with much beer and those little cocktail wiener thingies. I'm serious.

You come, too, Joshie. Promise I won't get arrested -- I'm an old married hag with kids now, don't forget.

Peter, I am so not cool, it's embarrassing. I am, however, really weird. Most folks, cyber and not (especially not), don't like me. I'm so glad that you do, though. ***love for Peter***

At 9:54 PM, Blogger G-Man said...

Before I land in Mount Pleasant I'd love to have a few beers/glases of wine/shots of tequila with you. I really have taken to heart what Betty Davis once said aging; "Growing old ain't for sissies". So since I am 56 and have no plan on being a sissy, let me know when you'd like to meet.

At 5:00 AM, Blogger ms ralph said...

Wow. I'm wondering if there is anything cool that you haven't done, what an amazing list.

At 10:42 AM, Blogger Mari Adkins said...

3) Appeared in a table of contents with Stephen King -- twice.That so rocks!!

6) Fought for my life. Literally. I know what it‘s like to believe you‘re going to die by the hand of another human being.Me too, and people who don't understand (don't "get it") bug me. Maybe it's just me. :shrug:

I do enjoy reading here. Have a great weekend.

At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Justice said...

So did you write your own name?

(just to let you know, Unapologetically Neurotic moved. Sorry for any inconvenience: )

At 1:37 AM, Blogger tkbrinkley said...


You sound very interesting. I think I have done #13. Each of my four preg. I gained 90 lbs. I lost them all too.

I will read your blog again.

Good luck to you

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

You are sooooooooooo cool. A Sex Pistol. A Gun Smuggler. Ufo's and Evil presences. You. England. Now. I will get you drunk, you will tell me stories. Oh, and I actually got bit by a ferret running wild once - 2 courses of rebies vaccinations. Bet you haven't done that. Yeah, I'm cool. Here ferret, ferret, ferret.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Gary, I think my husband, a.k.a. Easter Island Head, wouldn't like me going out for drinks with an intelligent, funny, handsome Canadian (he knows my weakness for Canadian men), but damn, I'm sho' nuff tempted.

Ms. Ralph, sure there is -- I haven't yet realized my full potential as an idiot.

Mari, I'm sorry to hear that you experienced something similar. You're absolutely correct in saying that most don't understand the impact an experience like that can have on a person's sense of well-being -- for the rest of their life.

Hey Justice! Will do. And what the hell does "did you write your own name?" mean? Lay offa the crack, sister. ;-)

Alexis, and that Sex Pistol had lovely, long hair at that time (1989), wore it in a ponytail, to which I commented "You really shouldn't wear a ponytail -- it makes your face look fat." Argh! As I stated many times before, I am an asshole.

My mom was bitten by a ferret at a pet store -- hung right off her face, it did. Just dangled there with its teeth embedded in her face.

I'm ashamed to say that I laughed really, really hard.

At 7:58 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Welcome, Tawsha! Please do!

At 11:36 AM, Blogger Justice said...

#11, you happily complied - with your own name or the mistaken identity? Because I could imagine you writing your own name and thoroughly enjoying the look of total confusion on the person's face.It'd be great. (Could be my own sense of humor)

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Deek Deekster said...

i liked goat curry first time i tried it... i've seen a UFO... and we did hang out once, but you didn't notice me because you were too far gone ;)

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Ah, okay, Justice...and you would be correct in assuming that. But my signature is so illegible, like that of a four-year-old, I doubt they knew the difference!

Deek, I think I do remember you -- good looking Brit with the giant rubber penis strapped to his head? Lord. Good times.


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