Monday, February 21, 2005

Big Scaredy Baby Who Does Not Wish to Write About Koko's Nipple Fetish

Saw The Grudge last night. Horrible. HORRIBLY CREEPY, I mean!

Japanese cat-boy emitting mewling Hell-sounds...farting dead woman with glowing eyes and pronounced limp...Sarah Michelle Gellar discovering curious genitalia on the back of her head whilst showering...

Pure horror magic. I love it.

The bad part, though: Lar finds it amusing that even though I enjoy writing horror, I'm a big scaredy baby when it comes to horror movies. So last night, after the flick ended, I head on in to the bathroom -- all of the lights are off, as it’s eleven o’clock at night -- and as I go about my business, I hear that ever so appalling fart sound outside the bathroom door. I freeze, pants around my ankles, and I wait. And wait. Then wait some more. When I feel sufficient time has passed, that the insane farter has grown bored of this game, I slowly, slowly enter the hallway, peek around to make sure he’s gone. He is. But do I, as a normal person would, walk confidently into the gloom, go back to my bedroom? No. I slither up into my office, which is only a couple feet away, where my daughter, Veronica, is chatting with friends on IM, and politely request that she escort me to my room.

Isn’t that the most adorable thing you ever heard?

Anyway, my boos, the Brutarian site is not yet up and running, the copies of #43 not yet distributed to booksellers, but you really should purchase a subscription by sending a fifteen dollar check to: Dom Salemi, 9405 Ulysses Court, Burke, VA 22015.

Dom’s a nice man. Took pity on me due to the fact that my bro stole my contributor's copy of #43, and is sending me another, gratis. I’ll be buying a subscription for my brother so that he will not put his filthy paws on my Brutarians ever again.

I was going to write a whole post about Koko the Talking Gorilla’s nipple fetish, but I think I’ll just leave it be for now. Too disturbing, even for me.

12 Comments:

At 11:40 AM, Blogger J. Stephen Reid said...

Oh Ms. Lori, I completely sympathize with you. Although I'm hooked on horror, I'm a sissy boy. I refuse to even watch The Grudge. I refuse to watch the trailer when it comes on TV.

Ringu scarred me for life with Japanese horror movies.

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger Katie said...

The Koko nipple thing has scarred me for life. Seriously.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Ooooh, watch The Grudge, Joshie. You must, you must.

Yeah, Japanese horror is my fave. Loved The Audition way too much, loved The Eye, Spiral, Ringu...got to get Ju-On, heard it was even spookier than The Grudge.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Katie, I KNOW! Me too! Just saying the word "nipple" is hard for me, but to include the word "gorilla" in the same sentence? Unthinkable.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger P.J.Backman said...

Robin Williams talked about being propositioned by Koko and asked to take his shirt off during his Live on Broadway act. I nearly died laughing. This, this is even funnier. :)

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger frankthebunny said...

Ms. Lori YES definitely check out Ju-On. Much creepier than the Americanized version I thought (although I liked that one as well).

Daughter's not going to get much IM'ing done if you watch that one. ;)

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Peter, I love Williams, but I must say that I'm not surprised he turned Koko to butter -- he is, after all, a scrumptious blue-eyed man-ape.

Dave, I think I'll check it out this weekend. My poor Veronica. Poor me!

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger J. Stephen Reid said...

Fine, Fine Ms Lori. I'll watch it, but my fiance is going to come griping at you when I'm calling her every 5 minutes to come over to my apartment and check under the bed.

I don't know what it is about the J-horror, but those flicks are damaging me. After I saw Ringu, I couldn't be in the same room with a TV by myself.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger G-Man said...

I love horror stories/movies. When I was a kid I believed in witches and I would talk to them when I was in my bed hoping that if I talked to them they wouldn't come out of my closet. Maybe we could get together some moonless night and I could give you more details about my night terrors. We could have popcorn, as well!

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

Ju-On is AWESOME. I think The Grudge actually scarred me for life - I saw it Halloween weekend last year and I CANNOT take that noise. You know what noise I'm talking about? Yeah the drawn out belch. Naaaaasty.

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Tom Carter said...

Funny, very funny. But weird.

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Keep your promise and bring on over that Wild Turkey, Tom, and I'll *really* show you weird. ;-)

 

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