Monday, November 15, 2004

I Have No Eyelashes and I Must Scream

Dear lord. Yet more proof that I am not well. Not well at all...Listen up, yo. It ain't pretty.

This is humiliating to admit, but, as my longtime readers know, I love humiliating myself (and comment once in a while, will ya? Geez, I know Blogger's commenting system sucks Beluga, but c'mon and gimme some love every so often, albeit as "anonymous").

For example, just 'cause I love to digress, too, did I ever tell you about the time I told the handsome, funny, and righteous horror writer, Jack Ketchum (Stephen King's a big fan), that it looked as if a dog had pissed in his hair? Oh, the look of fright and confusion that passed over that man's lovely face...

It's true! And I still feel the sensuous burn of that particular humiliation more than a year later. YEAH! I so kick ass.

'Kay, back to my latest humiliating confession. Ready? 'Kay.

I pull my eyelashes out. That's right, I wake up in the middle of the night pulling out my eyelashes! WTF? Seriously, WTF?

This started happening, oh, about a week ago or so. Just woke up one night pulling out my lashes, and there are no signs that this behavior will end any time soon. It's not a conscious thing that I'm doing, not at all -- I'm asleep, then wake during the act. I am, of course, horrified. Good thing I have lots of lashes (long and purty, I might add), but I fear that my eyes may be bald soon if this bizarre nighttime compulsion doesn't go away.

Have you ever heard of such a thing?

Also, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I am a spewer of beverages. Laughter is the main cause, but occasionally I spew just for the hell of it.

Not this morning, though. This morning was an accidental spewing that nearly took my life. There I was, reading e-mail, smoking, drinking coffee, when WHAM! my throat closed up, my lungs collapsed, and coffee spewed all over my computer screen and my printer. Then I gagged and gasped for air for, like, ten minutes, even as I ran around with paper towel and Windex cleaning up the mess. Hey, if I'm going to die, I want the paramedics to find a clean death scene. I want to leave this earth knowing that the paramedics and police would think to themselves, "Wow. That dead woman was a clean, tidy, and considerate woman."

Well, so. My throat eventually opened up again, my lungs puffed up nicely, and after much weeping and shaking, I finally calmed down, lit another cigarette, and continued reading my e-mail.

Perhaps I should cut down on the coffee?


At 2:17 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

Uh, or the cigarettes...

At 2:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The eyelash thing-- there is a disorder called trichtillomania although I've never heard of anyone doing it while they're asleep.
I have no eyelashes, either (in my case it's because of a disease I have that's made me lose *all* my hair) and it ain't so bad.

At 3:47 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Rebecca, you sweet innocent...of COURSE the cigarettes.

I was going for ironic there...didn't work, I guess. ;-)

As for the trich thing, anonymous, I did have a mild form of it when I was a young girl (brought on, I'm sure, by my family from hell), so this nighttime stuff must be related somehow. I *am* under tremendous stress lately... Maybe I'll wear my brother's old Freddy Krueger gloves tonight.

At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eek, I have never heard of people doing it when they are asleep. My mum has a nervous habit of pulling out her eyebrows and eyelashes, but only when she is awake. Mine is tearing off the skin around my fingernails.Yes, it is as painful as it sounds.

I would also recommend quitting smoking for a better capacity to, you know.... not choke. But I am only saying that out of jealousy and spite, because I have been on the wagon for 4 months and am working on being one of those annyoing ex-smokers. ;D


At 9:22 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Congrats on quitting, Sam! Good for you, Flyguy.
And lordy, how I love your accent.
You're adorable, even if you do pick your fingers.

At 6:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol. ure funny

At 10:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am 16 years old and i pull out my eyelashes. its a nervous habit and it really sucks, no matter how much i was to stop, i just can't help it. mine used to be long and gorgeous but now theyre splotchy.... but i cant imagine doing it asleep. What you could do before you go to sleep is put bandaids around your fingernails so they arent exposed, or just cut your fingernails kind of short....those techniques kind of work for me so i hope they can help you out.....


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