Saturday, November 06, 2004

Oh, The Things I Say!

So this morning I was running around like a crazy woman, as per usual, doing things that mothers do like vacuuming, wiping counters and butts, serving breakfast, making beds, breaking up fights, smoking some crack, doing laundry, cleaning unidentified gooey stuff off of the T.V. screen, and in the process, I stubbed my toe on the coffee table. I stubbed it real good, too, and it bled like my liberal heart.

It was awful.

And what came out of my mouth would disgust even the most hardened criminal. If you're easily offended, I would suggest not reading any further.

It really is disturbing.

So, like, go forth and surf to another blog.

I mean it.





After I stubbed my toe, the pain was so shocking, so nightmarish, I actually felt my soul leave my body. And during the interim absence of my soul, Satan slipped in but quick and possessed my vocal chords. The following is not suitable for children under seventeen.

I said this:

Flapfuck! God, oh, God, flappyfuck flap flap flap!

Apparently, “flapfuck” is considered the worst of the worst in certain circles of Hell.

I screamed the above while running around the living room on my heels. I did that for exactly two minutes and 34 seconds.

Then I felt better and had some coffee.


At 11:39 AM, Blogger k1tchenwitch said...

flappyfuck, eh? ahhh, it feels good to laugh again.
I've been saying 'fuckity-fuckity-fuck' since Wednesday morning. It's just what comes out now, over the slightest of annoyances, stubbings, sudden rememberings of things I was supposed to do, etc.

(and hope your toe is feeling better)

At 11:46 AM, Blogger mquest said...

is it a phrase based on bird sex? Flap Flap Flap

At 5:13 PM, Blogger golfwidow said...

I gotta remember that one. I'll trade with you: That sucks big fat goose balls.

At 3:08 AM, Blogger Mellie Helen said...

What I pictured, as I read your post, were images a la Looney Tunes. I could almost hear Daffy Duck with his wild "WHOO-HOO-WHOO-HOO!"

And now I need to smack you because I was in Full Surf Mode, racing by to rack up some credits, blogmark those I wanted to go back to for later reading, and your site sidetracked me and kept me here longer than I had intended. Enjoyable reading. Thanks. And now it's time to dive back in...

At 3:52 AM, Blogger Mamacita said...

What is this "vaccumming" and "cleaning" you speak of? Is this some domestic ritual of which I am unfamiliar? It sounds dangerous; don't do it again!

At 10:29 PM, Blogger Bad Penny said...

You're funny!

This has been a compliment ~ I'm Bad Penny

At 12:07 AM, Blogger Jexebel said...

Moms have to do all that? Wow. Call Bush, I'm going to be needing my reproductive rights after all. Flapfuck.


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