Friday, January 25, 2008

My Latest Contribution to the English Language

So yesterday, while watching this (don't bother going there unless you're into the whole UFO thing, and have two hours to spare), I said aloud to myself this: "Corn!"

I shocked myself with this utterance, as my mind was actually screaming "cornucopia!"

Strange that I only vocalized part of my newly invented exclamation of surprise and joy, but there you go. "Cornucopia," to me, embodies the various emotions and physical sensations involved in an intriguing, fulfilling experience -- and if you think about it, it makes sense. Cornucopias are horns of plenty, filled with wonderful things, a delightful gift, its treasures revealed slowly, i.e., remove the visible apple from the mouth of the horn, and an orange rolls out; remove the orange, and a bottle of Absolut tumbles forward. And so on, and so forth.

However, though the word itself captures the feeling of spectacular goodness stuffed all in one tidy, decorative centerpiece, shouting "cornucopia" is a bit daunting. The many syllables trip the tongue, dampen the moment of discovery and excitement. Hence "corn!"

Here are but a few examples in which one may employ both "corn!" and "cornucopia!":

1) Say you happen across a fifty dollar bill while taking a stroll through your neighborhood. You might pick up the bill, stare at it lovingly, and say "Holy cornucopia! I'm the luckiest person alive!"

2) If you ever find yourself in a situation whereupon the woman or man of your dreams professes their undying love, and also offers to gift you a brand new Porsche, just for the heck of it, you should most definitely shout "That is so corn!"

3) While viewing an especially entertaining film, concert, or stage production, proclaiming (aloud) that it is "the corn!" would be more than appropriate.

4) If excited by the thought of an upcoming event, whether it be a job promotion, marriage, or unusually large tax refund, feel free to show your excited anticipation by saying "I am so corned!"

5) Perhaps a loved one has achieved something grand -- graduated from school, been elected president, won a contest of some sort -- you will, I guarantee, feel tremendous glee were you to shout (loudly, in their face), "Cornucopia! That is so fantastic!"

You are so very, very welcome.


At 6:01 PM, Anonymous lisa said...


At 3:20 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

I think I shall start using this immediately in my daily speech.

Once they allow me to have crayons again, I'll write and let you know how it's going.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Ah, glad you recognize, Ms. Lisa. ;-)

And to you, Ms. Rabid Rabbit, I have a feeling you're mocking me.

Oh, corn!

At 9:33 AM, Anonymous twoblueday said...

Somewhere along the line, I picked up a colloquialism (I don't think I invented it): "Corn" meaning "money."
I know there are numerous euphemisms for money: cake; scratch; dough; moola; bread; etc., etc.

I cannot picture myself uttering an exclamation with the word "cornucopia" in it, but "corn" might pop out.

At 8:43 PM, Blogger SamD said...

I dig the corn thing.

A lot.

[Hey y'think that's the vibe that band Korn was trying to capture?]

At 8:22 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

And CORN(ucopia) sweeps the nation! Woo hoo!

I so rock.

At 4:32 AM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

I would never mock you!

Well, I would, really. But I'm not doing so this time.


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