Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cheap Whores

Stop whoring your whorey blogs to this particular high-priced, very exclusive lady of the evening.

Look, I don’t have a lot of time to diddle around the Internet, okay? I’ve got four kids, a cat that pukes every five minutes, an Internet provider run by folks who eat snail testicles (as evidenced by how slow my connection is), a brain that can’t handle much of anything lately, a book to write (hahaha, I kill me), and some sort of weird horn-like appendage that popped through my forehead last night -- it has rudimentary fingers at the tip, and bends this way and that way at will, perhaps something that'll be useful for weeding the garden come summer…

Hey! I’ve got a Weed Whacker on my forehead! Cool.

But forget about my Weed Whacker for a minute, if you can -- what I’m trying to say here is this:

If you don’t subscribe to my blog, or even just read it and comment once in a damn while, DO NOT invite me either by E-mail, Z-mail, passenger pigeon, or pony express, to link or subscribe to yours. I don't have the time, I don't have the interest, and frankly, I just don't like you.

Also, if you happen to be a Christian bloggers site, be sure you read my blog postings carefully before inviting me to join your gang. Do you really want some anti-organized religion, foul-mouthed, beer-loving, Weed Whacker-headed nutcase featured on your otherwise sweet site? DO YOU?

I fucking didn’t think so.

20 Comments:

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Myfanwy Collins said...

You are my favorite weed-whacker headed person ever, Ms. Lori.

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Ms. Theologian said...

The Christian bloggers have invited me twice, despite me replying to say, "I'd love to, but I'M NOT CHRISTIAN." Hard to believe, I'm sure.

Perhaps this all happens because you're popular on myspace. ;)

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Alice said...

"Do you really want some anti-organized religion, foul-mouthed, beer-loving, Weed Whacker-headed nutcase featured on your otherwise sweet site? DO YOU?"

Hell, YES!

...Well, ok, my site isn't "sweet". But still.

;-)

xxx

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Mac said...

I've been getting a lot more of these requests lately, too. I think the stars must be in alignment or something. Either that, or they need to get in their pious points before the year is up.

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Editor at Large said...

The Christian Bloggers hit on us, too, and after we blogged about it a commenter told us the same guy (Craig Cantin) is behind a site called Green Bloggers. If the guy ever read our blog, he would have solicited us for Green Bloggers, not Christian Bloggers.

And if he ever read your blog, he'd see that he'd have to come up with an entirely new category: "Anti-organized Religion, Foul-mouthed, Beer-loving, Weed Whacker-headed, Fucking Fantastic Bloggers."

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger CarryFairie said...

Awww...should I feel left out that they haven't hit my site yet???

Damn...

Love yours, btw...just stumbled upon it last week...

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Do I count as a subscriber to your blog? Because I sent an invitation to you via Z-mail to come to our Christmas party. We need someone to inject some redneck excitement and real life into it! Plenty of Guinness in it for ya (bought by me because our bosses are boring)!

:P

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

And you, mine, Myfanwy. Um, assuming you have a Weed Wacker on your forehead, that is. ;-)

Stephanie, unfortunately, I'm only popular with disgusting perv-faces on MySpace -- deny, deny, deny! ;-)

I love that the Bible-thumpers hit you up twice. They must really think you're Christ-like. ***bows down***

Alice, your blog isn't sweet, thank goodness, but you sure are. (((hugs)))

Mac, or they can't resist our holy auras. Whatever that means. ;-)

Editor, damn you and your beta blogging blog! I can't comment on anyone's beta blog! I try and try, but the closest I came was on Jordan's blog -- my comment showed up as posted by L. (WTF?), and when I clicked on "L." it brought me to a "this profile is not public" page.

And I have such a witty comment for you, too. Pity.

Carriefairie, yes, you should feel extremely left out -- perhaps even less than human -- for not receiving an invitation.

But WELCOME! And THANK YOU!

Jas, I would gladly accept an invite ANYWHERE you're gonna be.

 
At 1:07 AM, Blogger kirby said...

Ms. Lori loves the beer? Do what you must to get hold of some Rogue Brewery Chipotle Ale and use that to wash down spicy grilled chicken wings. It will not rid your world of the Christians, but it will make suffering them just a bit easier.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Kirby, sounds HEAVENLY.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger SamD said...

heheheh--right on!

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Granny said...

I can comment on Beta but it comes in as my gmail name instead of granny.

At least most of the time. On some it still shows granny. ???

How come they haven't invited me? I'm crushed.

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Two Sirius said...

Bitches and hos, man. Bitches and hos.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks..."

--Ben Folds

 
At 11:40 PM, Blogger gerry rosser said...

Well, I don't subscribe, but, then, I'm here all the goddamn time waiting for you to spout some more cool shit--and you don't let me down on that.
The Kristians have forgotten whatever their faith might have originally meant, but that's okay, I sometimes forget where my keys are and someone points out they are in my hand.
Come to think of it, I forget why I'm here, maybe it has to do with a seedless grape or something . . .

 
At 12:48 AM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Fine, I don't like you either. Bah.

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Gerry, I'd feed you seedless grapes anytime, anywhere, anyhow -- and I'd make sure to wash them thoroughly beforehand.

Malnutured Snay, you do SO like me! I have pictures to prove it...;-)

 
At 11:07 PM, Anonymous Gary said...

God and I still love ya even though we are pretty sure the devil has taken over your soul.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

I know you do, Gary. I know you do...

PRAISE!

 
At 10:50 AM, Anonymous John said...

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