Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Serena Williams is Stupid

During E!’s post-Oscar party coverage, tennis amazon, Serena Williams, referred to Best Actor winner Philip Seymour Hoffman as Phillip Seamen Hoffmore.

On a lighter note, my son ate a chocolate bar in the "formal" living room (off-limits to rugrats who may be harboring dangerous confections), and when I discovered brown, slimy handprints all over my ottoman, I turned to the boy and said, "Shall I beat you now or later?"

He looked up at me, face smeared with Hershey bar, and said "Later, after I finish my chocolate?"

God, he's adorable.

ADDENDUM: Okay, okay, I know my boy's brilliant quips are probably of no interest to anyone but myself, but lord, he really is brilliant. Here's his latest, said to me as I was folding laundry today...

Brandon: Daddy's not right in the head.

Me: Why do you say that, honey?

Brandon: Because he won't buy me a puppy. Something's really wrong with Daddy's head. Right, Mommy?

Me: That's right, sweetheart. But we love Daddy, anyway.


At 9:51 AM, Blogger Alice said...

I can remember the once when I was caught guzzling down some forbidden snacks before tea time (junk food goodness was for AFTER dinner, only) and my mother demanded:

"Aren't you bothered that not only will you soil your meal, you are now in big trouble and I am VERY angry with you?"

My answer (thoughtfully)
"No-ope. I can fix myself something later, I've finished eating the chocolate so you can't take it off me and if I need to I can run faster than you can."


Granny Ann posted about the 'perfection' mania that haunts girls and women BTW, and I responded with a post (sort of) along the same lines.
Take or leave mine, but Ann's is defiitely worth a good look.


At 9:52 AM, Blogger Alice said...

"spoil." that would be "spoil"


At 10:17 AM, Blogger Granny said...

Some famous announcer back in the days of radio referred to the President of the US (then) as Hoobert Heever.

No, I wasn't around. He was right before FDR - I was around then.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Aw, too cute, Alice.

And did she beat you then or later? ;-)

Ann, that poor announcer...Obviously a screw-up of the tongue and not, as in Ms. Williams' case, blatant stupidity.

I'll never forget the time one of my favorite local newscasters, when reporting on then mayor of NY, Ed Koch, said "Ed CROTCH"!

The whole rest of the newscast was just shot, man. Totally shot. The anchors, the weatherman, the sportscaster, the camera crew -- all of them couldn't stop laughing.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger Alice said...

After. She made me eat dinner (even though I'd eaten so much sweet stuff already I felt sick) to teach me a lesson, then sent me straight to bed.

She did sit up with me when I had the-worst-tummy-bug-ever-in-the-whole-history-of-whatever-when-I-felt-so-bad-I-wanted-to-die though, to show she still loved me even though I was a disobedient girl and a complete idiot.

I have a new visitor to One Girl And Her Cats!

Ooh yeah! Go Alice, go Alice...

At 11:22 AM, Blogger Alice said...

"I should write a poem about being past forty (another societal no-no, unfortunately), but it may depress me too much at the moment..."

What's wrong with being over 40? What's wrong with being any age full stop?
- What's wrong with being fat, actually, for that matter? Means that should there be a famine, I'll last out on my natural reserves longer than anyone else. Yup

Anyhoo, back to the subject at hand: Fab Forties does have a certain truth to it, you know. My mother is past 40 and still as lovely, amazing, immature, silly and brilliant as ever.

Good-oh, eh?

Anyway, now you're 'over the hill', as it were, you're cruising effortlessly down the other side having a ball while others are still puffing and panting and groaning as they trudge their way up...

...My famous "wrong thing to say" skill comes up trumps sometimes, doesn't it?

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Granny said...

Keep on trudging Alice

Lori - have you ever seen the clip from the old Johnny Carson show of Ed Ames and the tomahawk. I can't explain it - it's a visual.

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Alice, will you please put your toys away and go to bed now?


Yeah, forty ain't so bad, especially when one is as fabulously insane as I am. I am so insane, I'm unaware of the aging process, thus, it doesn't exist. I am, as you may already know, Queen of the Universe.

And I wear thongs.

Ann, not sure...I probably have seen the clip somewhere...Can you describe?

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Granny said...

One of Ed Ames most memorable moments in television was when he threw his famous tomahawk on the "Tonight Show Starring Johhny Carson" in 1965. He threw the tomahawk and it landed right between the target's legs, thus prompting "I didn't even know you were Jewish." This event prompted one of the longest laughs in television history.

I stole this from one of his biographical websites. He Played Mingo (Native American sidekick) on the old, old, Daniel Boone show. Fess Parker was Daniel Boone.

At 5:58 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Oh, yes! I remember that clip now...Hilarious! I miss Carson.


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