Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Cowardly Monster

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Jennifer Wilbanks, a.k.a. The Georgia Bogeywoman

I am beside myself with disgust for this “woman.” I use quotes because, really, this loathsome creature of the female persuasion is not, in my eyes, a true woman; she is a hideous rectum, a simpering limp noodle, a selfish, self-centered, atypical example of womanhood. She is an embarrassment not only to herself, but to her family and friends, not to mention her poor fiancé who was basically ditched at the altar in front of the entire world. She is a quiet monster, one who hid her fangs and claws beneath a nurse's uniform, a living, breathing bogeywoman who produced fear in the collective soul of the concerned public, well-wishers like myself who worried and grieved over the possible loss of such a vibrant, seemingly lovely individual, who cursed the evils of this oftentimes troubling, unfair world. She monopolized the efforts of Duluth’s finest, whose time would’ve best been spent on finding real abductees, missing children, lost old folks…

The anguish she caused her loved ones is unimaginable.

Fuck you, Wilbanks. May you one day find yourself trapped in a loveless marriage to a bogeyman of your very own (after you’ve had your tubes tied, of course -- wouldn’t want innocent children brought into your sick world, now would we?) who finds great pleasure in slapping you up after he’s indulged in a case of Miller. I hope he calls you names like Lantern Jaw and Chicken-Boned Bitch. I hope he knocks you around your dirty little kitchenette, puts you through the wall of your stinking mobile home. You need to understand what true pain and suffering is all about, sister. Here’s to a dark future.

9 Comments:

At 12:06 PM, Blogger bevjackson said...

I didn't know about this until I read your post, and googled her. Wow, a nut case who really got cold feet! Imagine going that far out of cowardice?!!

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Alexis said...

She is a psycho - I mean - what the hell was she thinking? Hey, that's ok though as she has to live the rest of her life being her - a spineless sad woman. Ugh

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger G-Man said...

On a smaller scale, but equally embarassing, I hid in a root cellar for two and a half hours as my bride-to-be, our families and guests and a complete division of our finest CSI'S scoured the neighbourhood for what they feared might be my sexually ravaged, dismembered body. Although it has been many years since this "incident", seeing your post brought back painful memories.

 
At 3:12 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Oh, G-Man, Oh, honey...you hid in a root cellar for two hours...not much different than any other young bachelor with cold feet who might "disappear" into the dark depths of some honkey tonk for a bit in order to drink up some courage.

That Wilbanks broad is a shithead.

 
At 9:12 PM, Anonymous John said...

Selfish self-centered bitch, however why are we only blaming her ? Instead of reporting on issues that really matter to us such as illegal aliens, a war in Iraq, and high gas prices the media focuses on some woman that did something that Iam sure many women have done in this country. What further upsets me and that may not know is that she was in Las Vegas spending her daddies money she took when arrived there, she only called the Fam back in GA because SHE RAN OUT OF MONEY !!! I want charges brought against this woman, she lied to the federal bureau of Investigations !!! If this were a crack addict African-American living in the Hood, she would of been charged, it just goes to show you that nothing will happen to this rich little selfish southern belle because she is rich !

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger P.J.Backman said...

That Suthern Slice of Hö-Cake needs to be auctioned off to a Salt Lake City commune of polygamists where she can be Wife No. 19 — requiring her to 'haunch the bobo' of a 82-year-old patriarch on a Sheep-Ranch-turned-survival compound once every 20 days while being embroiled in the petty intrigues and political backstabbing of 19 women all married to the same egotistical, backwater human turd.

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

John, I think Wilbanks may be related to Bush, thus the conspiracy of flooding the American public with twaddle as opposed to the real issues at hand. She sure looks and acts like a Bush, what with her crazy eyes, lying ways, and unfortunate mental retardation.

Peter, I like your scenario much better than my own. Kudos!

 
At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Hope they put her dumb Ass in Prison for the max. of 5 Years!!! FUCK JENNIFER WILBANKS!!!

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Jas... said...

I think she's actually a man. Look at the facts: she hasn't had sex with her fiance yet, they're about to get married, that jawline, those eyes? She got cold feet and I'll bet that's why! She's nervous that he'll find the wrong plumbing on her and go berserk!
Jas...

 

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