Friday, April 08, 2005

Bad Things That Happened This Week

1) My computer was still messed up, so I had to reinstall Windows again and again, non-destructive mode, destructive mode, non-destructive mode, destructive mode, till I beat my whore into submission. She's finally come to realize who's boss in this relationship. I think. Anyway, a fine time was had by all.

2) My cat threw up all over my new furniture and Greek fluffy rug (I forget what they call those things, but this is a very cool rug, a genuine Greek fluffy rug made in a tiny village in Greece where they make Greek fluffy rugs. A gift from a good friend, too, who also happens to be a fluffy Greek thing.) My once cream-colored Greek fluffy rug is stained bright yellow now. My cat, I presume, ate a Men at Work sign.

3) My boy stuck his fingers into his poop diaper and proceeded to wipe them off on my brand new dish towel. When that didn’t solve the problem, he decided to use his t-shirt. I had to throw away both the t-shirt and dish towel, which made me very sad. Finances aren’t in the best shape this year, and purchasing a new dish towel is quite an event in our household. In fact, new dish towels are so special to me, I give them names. It‘s going to be lonely around here without my Stevie Ray...

4) I was rude to one of my daughter’s special ed teachers yesterday. I was sick, had a migraine, and she called just as my children began fighting over ants. My oldest daughter picked up a tiny ant, crushing it in the process, then wiped it on the arm of my youngest daughter. My youngest daughter began shrieking, which is completely understandable, but her shrieking set off my boy, and he began to shriek as well.

So I was rude to the poor woman when she rightfully gave me some attitude about my not attending an important meeting that day (due to illness) -- attitude coupled with shrieking kids, plus migraine, plus total embarrassment caused my third inner demon to surface (there are fourteen in all), and I believe that that third demon, a spicy little wench named Jo-Jo, may have told her to go fuck herself, but I can’t be sure -- I tend to black out during times like those.

I apologized for yesterday’s demonic possession during our phone conference today, and she brushed it off as if it were nothing. So maybe I didn’t tell her to go fuck herself. Or maybe she’s just really, really afraid of me now. I’ll know for sure when I see her at next week’s Special Education Committee meeting -- if she cowers when I raise my hand or fails to make eye contact, I’ll know then that I definitely told her to go fuck herself. If this is the case, then I’ll buy her a nice goodie basket from Wegman’s or something.

5) I was sick.

6) We have tiny ants.

I do believe this weekend will be a drunken one. Also, I plan on eating massive amounts of potato salad. I deserve it.


At 3:54 PM, Blogger Robin said...

Enjoy your drunken weekend.

At 9:27 PM, Blogger bevjackson said...

I hope to read a post from each of your 14 demons. Next week might be better.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger ms ralph said...

Sounds like you do need a drink, while you're up want to get me one too? I would also love some of potato salad, but only if it is the kind my mamma makes. :)

At 11:01 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Robin, I shall. Oh, yesssssss, I shall.

Ms. Beverly, if next week isn't an improvement over the last few, I'm terrified of what may surface next. I can only hope and pray that it isn't Daisy, the eleventh demon.

Ms. Ralph, I think you might like my (heavy on the paprika) mashed potato salad. It's been known to make grown women weep and otherwise flaccid men writhe in ecstasy.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger G-Man said...

I surround your fragile soul with gallons of tequila and limes and salt and love.

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Thank you, dear Gary. Y'know, I misread "limes" as "lines." Calling Dr. Freud! ;-)

At 5:28 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

Oh Ms. Lori, you, me, potato salad, flaccid men, beer. That's the stuff dreams are made of. Love You!!!!!!! It's ok to tell people to fuck off. Do it with relish, let it trill off your

At 7:30 PM, Blogger Overshop said...

Flokati rug. You can't ever get them clean. On the other hand, the dishtowel would have washed out fine, add a little bleach to the water to disinfect it.

At 9:58 PM, Anonymous Jeni said...

Ugh, WHAT is with the teeny tiny ants this year? We have them too and I have no idea why. And yes, it's totally acceptable to tell a hovering, busybody special ed teacher to fuck off from time to time. Actually I recommend it, works wonders for the soul.


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