Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I'm Not Like Most Girls

I am a girl who blurts out incredibly stupid things for no reason at all. I am delighted with the sound and feel of certain words, the taste, so I indulge myself on a regular basis, oftentimes frightening some individuals who aren’t familiar with my, er...habit.

Last night was a prime example of scaring the uninitiated, of forcing an acquaintance to shuffle their feet, lower their eyes, wish to hell they could just click their heels three times and disappear from my home.

I was up in my office, see, and I didn’t realize that we had company -- adult company. My daughter’s little friend was over, that much I did know, but my unusual word-blurting doesn’t seem to bother the young ones, so I don’t censor myself around children. I throw out the odd word or phrase, sometimes song lyrics, with abandon, regardless of who’s present -- as long as it’s a person under the age of sixteen, or family, or close friends.

I’m strange, yes, but I’m not hopeless. Got it?

All right then. So I bounded down the stairs with the intention of starting dinner, and as I happily danced down into the hallway, I felt the need to yell, “In the year 2525, if man is still alive!” And it was good. And it was right. So I yelled it once more, this time with feeling: “In the year 2525, if man is still alive!”

Now, many of you are probably too young to know what of I shrieked. The above is from a song, popular back in the late sixties, early seventies, appropriately titled “In the Year 2525 .“ Abysmal song, really, yet very enjoyable to blurt when one is about to prepare chicken casserole.

In the year 2525, if man is still alive!”

Of course, I don’t know the rest of the song as I hadn't heard or even thought of it in years (I was just a toddler when it was popular), but that matters not one whit. The whole point of my uttering those particular words was how they felt to me, how they tasted (like M&Ms and kidney beans with a bit of hotdog thrown in), and damn it, it’s my house and I can shout whatever I please. If you happen to enter my home while I’m in the throes of making sweet, sweet word love, and you find yourself uncomfortable beyond what you can handle, then that’s your problem. You should ring my doorbell before entering, yes? If you sneak in quietly, perhaps thinking that just because our door is unlocked it’s an invitation to step on in unannounced to retrieve your child, then I guarantee you a most uncomfortable time indeed.

You all can see where I’m going with this, I bet.

And you would be correct in assuming that as I turned the corner and entered my kitchen,

In the year 2525, if man is still alive!”

I found myself staring into the eyes of a terrified, shoe-clicking woman who only wanted to take her child home for dinner, but who, unfortunately, had unwittingly entered the Twilight Zone.

In the year 2525, if man is still alive!”

She quickly looked down at her feet, as is the norm, maybe even peed in her pants a little, as I cheerily greeted her with a “Why, hello!” and a “Come to get Heather, did you?”

I could read her mind. I heard her thoughts, every single one of them, and they weren’t nice ones. She thought me insane, she feared for her precious Heather, wanted to hold her daughter close and run like the wind, never to darken my doorstep ever again.

I probably should've been embarrassed, but as this entry's title suggests...

So goodbye, Heather’s mom. Goodbye to you and your nasty little Heather, mean, boogery, dirty-handed Heather who never washes up after using the bathroom. Good bye, and God bless. May you have recurring nightmares about this night for years and years to come.

***Insert maniacal laughter interspersed with choking sounds***

29 Comments:

At 12:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omg, I do the same thing!
My oldest son was 4 before he realized his name wasn't in every song I sang! lol
I love your blog, is ok to add you to my blogroll?
Chana
www.bunnyburrow.com

 
At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, to be in a household where TWO people did that — back and forth — like the Fiddle duel in "Devil Came To Goergia". I would die a happy man in that household. ;)

-PeterB.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger T0bI@H said...

I know what you mean, I do that too! Once while my mum was on the phone, I shouted something I shouldn't have, and the person on the other line heard it. Well....my mum wasn't happy. LOL love your blog!

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quite priceless actually! I drive my son nuts because I blurt out songs and pretend I can sing opera around my house on occasion. lol Sometimes I really bug him when I'm speaking to him, but I'm singing everything I say. Great blog!
Donna
thruhazeleyes.blogspot.com

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

That is too funny. I have reached the point where I just assume everyone thinks I am insane, and either accepts it or doesn't. Well, some call is "quirky." :-)

http://nervous.typepad.com

 
At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not on blogger but hysterical. Made me laugh.

Cathy Kooy Kick Shoe Kooy www.cathykooy.typepad.com

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger Tom Carter said...

Well, you should have added something to the first paragraph about an overwhelming urge to bite animals as you wail the old Zager and Evans song.

Imagine if Heather's mom had just been to the pet store and bought a hamster as a surprise for Heather. Not wanting to leave the poor rodent alone in her car, she could have been cradling it in her arms right there in your kitchen. God, that could have gotten ugly fast!

Just for you, here's a link to "In the Year 2525," complete with music and the words so you can sing along to your heart's content. Oh yeah, and there's a lava lamp on the site, too.

http://frodisman.com/2525.html

In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find........

:-)

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger Bad Penny said...

Wow! I have the same problem but in a different context. I BLURT at school. Law school where we are super serious and some of my instructors are judges. Judges do not like it when you blurt. And I once blurted a school house rock song in remedies. Remember Conjunction-Junction? I sang INJUNCTION-Junction, WHAT'S YOUR FUNCTION!?! Right out loud. Clapped both hands over my mouth and turned bright red...

Damn them if they can not feel the joy. Damn them straight to hell.

So, How ya been?

Penny

 
At 1:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha. i remember this song quite well (the first 3 lines, at least) and thanks for reminding me! :))

do you mind if i link you?
don't know why blogger won't let me sign in!

karma
http://karmarules.blogspot.com

 
At 1:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yet another anonymous fan. Yesyesyes, and your friends are my friends and my friends are yours. Dig? Bored at work in Hong Kong, goddamn Canadians, yaddayadda-doo. But really, singing anything, everything, is better than butter. www.ranhasa.com

 
At 2:05 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

I thought I was the only one who did this. I do it because I THINK in song. Everything just reminds me of a song. So, sometimes I just blurt it out, like you. Problem is, I don't always remember all the lyrics. So, I make up my own. For instance there's a song with the lyrics "like a burning flame running through my veins" but I couldn't remember those exact lyrics so I sang "like a bird in flame running through my brain."

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger Michele said...

Shall I go on and on about how wonderful you are? Perhaps. But as we know Ms Lori I leave secrets in Vegas.

Love this post. Wayne Newton says hello.

oh, and so do I...as in "Hello, Michele sent me." Yes, tag YOU are it (and it is about time).

Mwwahh!!

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

To the lovely Chana, Mya, Donna, Michelle, Kathy, Karma, Shannon and Anonymous Hong Kong person (I shall visit all of your sites, btw, just as soon as my Mr. Butler allows me the time -- I visit everyone who comments here): Big hug to all, and thanks so much for linking me, visiting me, and making my day brighter.

Tom, I must go to that site and relive my tragic childhood. Thank you for that!

BTW, you make me laugh hard, sir -- considering that you’re such a man of distinction, one whose career and accomplishments are tremendously admirable, it tickles me to no end that you would find pleasure in my hamster-biting urges...We must meet sometime and get pissed on Wild Turkey -- what’s the going rate for a round-trip ticket to Serbia?

Bad Penny, we are two peas in a freaking pod. I love you. You should be in my family.
Saaaay....my brother, Dan, is just about finished with law school (UCLA) -- he’s single, handsome, and funny as all hell. Blind date, perhaps? I’ll make all the arrangements.

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger misty said...

I have the habit of singing as loud as I can in the kitchen, with a big spoon as my microphone, while cooking dinner. I've been caught several times. No one ever really got scared. They just laugh at me until they pee in their pants. How sweet of them ,eh?

BTW, Michele sent me. Have a great day, Ms. Lori. =)

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Dave said...

Hello, Michele sent me. She must know how much I love to run around my own house singing the old classics!! :)

 
At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the Year 2525, interestingly enough, cannot be bought anywhere. It was published, etc. and then the person who holds the rights won't allow it to be rereleased. I loved that song as a child.

Cool. We're long lost twins as I thought I was the only one who went around bursting out sayings and words and song and people just look at me like I'm crazy.

Great site. Hello - Michelle sent me.

Scully
blackleyj@yahoo.com
http://riplipsoff.typepad.com/

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Bluegrass Mama said...

Hello, Michele sent me, and I'm so glad she did! Yes, I am yet another of those people who live their lives in song. Embarrasses the heck out of my kids, of course. The time it did embarrass me was when my son was about 5 and I was singing "La Bamba" at the top of my lungs to him. And not even the regular version--it was a la Sesame Street--"Baa baa bamba. Moo, moo Bamba!" Then I discovered that the workmen who were finishing our basement had let themselves in and were there the whole time.

And BTW, I was more than a toddler in the 70s, and now the song 2525 (to which I know most, if not all, of the words) is now stuck in my head.

 
At 9:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do that too, only I make up the songs - and they tend to be much weirder than real songs.

I'm playing Michele's comment game today, but of course you know I also have you blogrolled.

Happy Wednesday.

Jennifer

www.lambic.co.uk/jenblog

 
At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

(This is Harry, from kudzufiles.com)

"In The Year 2525", by Zager and Evans - a terrible, honey song, and of course one of my favorites of all time. I can, I think, cycle through all the verses, even when they switch from "in the year 6565" to "in the year 7510", and then "8510", and then back to good ol' "9595".

"Now it's been ten thousand years,
man has cried a billion tears,
for what he never knew,
now man's reign is through

But through eternal night
the twinkling of starlight
so very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday"

Hi, Michele sent me!! Bet you never guessed that, huh?

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Ms Mac said...

I'm also a blurter. It's something I'm working on but suspect if I stop doing it I won't be me anymore!
Hello, Michele sent me!

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Garrison Steelle said...

So, I'm reading (cause Michele sent me) and I'm thinking, "I know more than a few people who are like this." Then, I start reading the comments and they're all from people on my blogroll! So, NOW I'm wondering, how is it I am somehow strangely attracted to all these people who have an unexplained urge to just toss out random words and song phrases as they pop into their minds?

Yeah, there's something wrong with me. ;)

-G

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger Isabella said...

Michele sent me and I love that song! It was before my time, but someone in the family (sister?) had loved it so much as to buy the single, and it continued to get a lot of play throughout my childhood. Hmm, wonder if that single's worth anything?

 
At 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a Michele drive by.. and now I have a pretty cool song that now I'm walking around singing only that one line till the rest of it I can remember. Beats Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

Sol

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger Aldon Hynes said...

We have a lot of curious musical interludes in our household. I'm not sure where all of them came from, some for folk festivals, some from who knows where.

There is a popular folk song that takes various other songs, and adds 'and through it out the window' in random, yet appropriate places...

e.g.

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb and threw it out the window.

The window, the window, the second story window.

Mary had a little lamb and threw it out the window.

It works with many songs and nursery rhymes. Old McDonald.. There was an old woman who swallowed a fly... etc.

So, if you are ever at our house at dinner time, don't be surprised to here 'threw it out the window' at some random time.

Somehow, we have also ended up associating the riff from Aqualung, Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do with the old AFLAC advertisement. So if anyone randomly plays Aqualung on the air guitar at our house, which isn't that uncommon, you can expect someone to shout out 'AFLAC' in response.

Of course the most random phrase is one that I use online, and hasn't made it to our dinner table yet. It is...

Hi, Michele sent me.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger honestyrain said...

oh words are deliscious. gorgeous. marvelous. i adore them and i do the same thng you do. you should hear the variety of nicknames my children have. just because i like words and words like me. oh words.

michele sent me, i will be back.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Mamacita said...

THAT SONG. . . .THAT SONG. . . . I remember that song. I remember riding in my boyfriend's car and singing along to that song. I also remember getting new textbooks in school a few years ago and discovering THAT SONG was in there. As poetry. I hadn't recovered from the shock of the Beatles' "Blackbird" in textbooks as poetry, and I was struck with "2525." Michele sent me but I'll be back a lot. Your blog is a combination of hilarious and delightful. Thank you for sharing. I'll be singing that song now all day. Thanks a lot for that, too.

 
At 12:25 AM, Blogger jen said...

I laughed out loud so many times, I've lost count! Thankyou, you've made my day. Love your blog.

 
At 7:17 PM, Blogger Tom Carter said...

There must be a psychic connection here--how did you know about the Wild Turkey? If you bring the WT, I'll pay the air fare! On second thought, your city might be a bit more exciting than mine....

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger shara said...

Michele sent me.

Well, okay, no. I have no idea who Michelle is. I did a search for 'nipplectomy' and voila! There you were!

My children are still too young to be embarrassed by the strange things their parents do, singing odd songs and quoting movie dialogue at strange times among them, but once they're old enough....hoo boy....we plan to embarrass the HELL out of them. It's going to be diaper payback time, kiddos.

Keep singing. Oh, and Michele says hi.

 

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