One Whipped Mother

Tha Ancient One is Toasted

Oh, yeah. Seriously.

Thanks, Nic, for the fun time today -- oh my God, how I needed a fun time.

Watched Badlands (starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek) tonight for the fiftieth time. One of my favorite movies. Martin Sheen, I am positive, is the hottest human being to ever breathe air. He may be old as the hills now, but I'd still bake him a carrot cake and ice it up special just for him any damn day (little sugar carrot on top and everything). When he was young, though, his beauty was almost extraterrestrial. Those jeans he wore in Badlands...

Lord!

That floppy 'do of silky erotica dancing about his head, the way it hung over his eye all cool and shit, that mouth of heavenly peace...Help me, Jesus!

Mercy.

So, um. So.

I'll probably delete this in the morning, because history has shown that Ms. Lori is not particularly interesting when toasted to a dark crisp. Rather, Ms. Lori is gushy and annoying, and many people have tried to put an ax in her head for speaking in third person, just as she's doing now.


Just so you know, I ate about 43 or 49 McCaine Smiles tonight. They are, without a doubt, the most addictive foodstuffs ever to be sold without a prescription. Not that food needs a prescription, but hey, I'm drunk.

I call them Crack Heads. Try them and see for yourself.


Warrrrpppp! Damn image won't show -- and I tried three different Smiles images, too! Why those wily little heads of potatoey wonder.

They're adorable, too. Look a bit like Drew Carey.

What else, what else...

I got carded today while buying beer, only I didn't have my I.D. with me. Been a while since I last bought my own beer, and I figured, hell, I'm eighty-two, so why bother with I.D.? But the tiny mite carded me, and I told her that I was old enough to be her mama's mama, so gimme the beer, child.

I called her child!

How very old of me.

Well, no, I didn't say that. Not only am I annoying and gushy when drunk, I also tend to lie.

I kissed her is what I did., then promised to pay her college tuition.

'Kay, I'm outta here.

posted by Ms. Lori @ 1:16 AM