Sunday, October 28, 2007

Nic

I have been keeping a secret from you guys, a painful, gut-wrenching secret that I've been wanting to spill, needed to spill. But I couldn't.

Sadly, I now can reveal what has been breaking my heart for the past two years...

My best friend, Nici, whose pen name was W. Olivia Race, died today. She was diagnosed in April, 2005 with stage 4 breast cancer, and she died today, with her young daughter by her side, as well as Nic's cousin and his wife, my hand holding tight to Nic's, Yvette holding her other hand.

She was surrounded by those who loved her most, and she slipped away quick as that. Just silently slipped away.

Being that she was an intensely private person, she would have punched me upside the head if I dared whine and sob in public about her situation.

She wanted no pity, and fully expected those close to her to shut up with the cow-eyed moping already and just let her live. She wanted to laugh, so I made her laugh, she wanted to bang her head to electric guitar and talk about writing, and act like goofs, and eat ice cream, and watch horror movies, and...

Well, she did -- we did. But...

Okay, Nic, I shut up already. I kept my cow-eyed moping to myself, for the most part. Now, however, I intend to shout my sorrow to the world.

Some of you might have noticed that I haven't exactly been as prolific a blogger as I used to be. Well, now you know why.

Some days it was just too painful for me to try and be witty, pretend that my life wouldn't soon be so different -- bad-different.

I'll be taking a long break from blogging, but I shall return.

I've got a lot of mooing to do.

Until then, here's something I wrote on August 22, 2004, eight months before Nic was diagnosed.

Reading that now creeps me out in the worst way. It's almost...I don't know.

It's just damn weird is all.

10 Comments:

At 12:12 AM, Blogger Jeanne said...

The August post was a beautiful, if premature, eulogy for your very dear friend. My deepest condolences to you and her family. Cancer sucks.

 
At 6:55 AM, Anonymous janine said...

I'm so sorry for your loss - yes I know that sounds trite - nothing anyone can say will ever make it better. - Your August post was a beautiful tribute to a woman who meant the world to you, and it shows. Go do your greiving, we will be here when you feel ready to blog again. In the meantime if you need a sounding board or a virtual shoulder to scream on feel free. Cancer really does suck. it always takes the good ones

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger RobinSlick said...

Lori, I'm so, so sorry.

There's nothing else I can add, really...only that I read your 2004 essay and am sitting here weeping and am glad that Nic got to read it...even though I am sure she knew how you felt, anyway.

Be well and yeah, don't ever stop telling your family - including the cat - how much you love them.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Jordan E. Rosenfeld said...

OH does this suck. It sucks!! The universe is so mean. So lame. But damn am i glad you had her in your life, and she, you. Stupid mean old god.

xo
J

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

I knew Nici for a short time, though not intimately. She was extremely talented. I am so very sorry.

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Sorry for the loss of your friend, honey! More awareness and money is needed for this month.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Alexis Slaybaugh Willard said...

Ms. Lori, I am so very sorry - I had noticed you weren't writing as frequently as you had been - I am really very, very sorry.

I loved those Halloween photos you had of you two together. Let me know if I can do anything x x x lots of love. x x

 
At 10:00 PM, Anonymous Yvonne said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear about Nici. She was one hell of a mighty bitch, a mighty friend, and mighty inspiring. I'm going to miss her very much - I cannot imagine how bereft you must feel. Whenever she wrote to me about you sitting in the sun and drinking beer or eating ice cream, it was transparent how much she loved you.

I wish I could find better words.

~Yvonne

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Mary Akers said...

I am so sorry, Lori. Your August post touched me to the core. I'm sure it did Nici, too.

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU!

You have no idea how much your support means to me during this very difficult time in my life.

You know, I don't exactly have a large circle of friends (to put it sarcastically), and other circumstances involving my personal life leave me in the poorhouse as far as emotional support goes, unfortunately.

Not whining, just stating a fact. Nothing new, just business as usual.

But jesus, it sure feels good to know someone cares.

So thank you, thank you.

Hugs to all.

 

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