Sunday, May 06, 2007



What I mean to say is...People really, REALLY suck.

Not all, mind you, but most.

So, now that you know Ms. Lori's true feelings regarding people, many of whom might just include YOU, here's a top eleventeen list for your enjoyment, and perhaps, embarrassment.

Should you see yourself in the following descriptions, I'll take no responsibility for your feelings of inadequacy or shame. That's your problem, not mine, Now fuck off.

Why I Dislike People

1) They smell bad

2) They talk about stupid things. Example topics:
a) Themselves, and themselves. Also, themselves.
b) Their high school glory days. Take your trophies, crowns and banners, and stick 'em up yer ass, you repugnant twits. You were the type of kids that made fun of me in eleventh grade, the type of person that shot their glory wad before age eighteen, and are now bitter, middle-aged, vainglorious gossip-mongers who pine for their lost youth.
c) Their "health woes," which are mainly psychosomatic in origin.
d) Their weight.
e) Their children and how perfect they believe them to be.
f) Roadkill.
g) How to find the way to San Jose.

3) They smile. A lot. Excessive smiling is nothing but a hideous mask that belies the true monster within.

6) And it is expected that you put on a mask as well, because if one does not smile, even if one feels like punching the smiling idiot that stands before them -- a smiling idiot who is going on and on about Stupid Things -- one is seen as "odd" or "aloof."

B) They lie. And smile while they're doing it. Usually about Stupid Things.

5) They take great pleasure in another's misfortune.

6) They believe that they have experienced or are experiencing a painful existence, regardless of the fact they:
a) Had a normal upbringing by normal parents
b) Brought their own present "misery" upon themselves, yet behave as if they are a victim with no recourse.
c) Are surrounded by friends and family who support them, and would do their utmost to help them.
d) Have never truly experienced victimization, abuse, loneliness, or extreme hardships.

6) When faced with someone who has experienced or is experiencing "d," it is beyond their comprehension, and are incapable of feeling true empathy. In fact, they will use someone's painful past or present as a means to feel superior or gain leverage of some sort.

7) They are intolerant of others who look, act, and believe in ways that are not mainstream.

8) They allowed and encouraged the tragedy that is the current administration.

9) They like receiving blowjobs, but believe it is an impeachable offense if a president fudges with semantics when questioned about receiving one. Evidently, it's fine and dandy to commit treason and wage unjustifiable war, though.

10) Their word is not something to be trusted, as it is rarely heartfelt.

11) They blame.

12) They champion the most deceitful of our society, sneer at the truth-tellers.

11) They make disgusting eating sounds.

13) They don't wash their hands properly.

14) They always want to shake your hand. One reason why I love Japanese culture.

15) They believe looks are everything. A person's character means squat if they aren't also conventionally beautiful. Funny, but in my experience, the most outwardly attractive people had the blackest of souls.

20) They believe status is everything. But guess what, assholes? Real people, as in folks like me, find your car boring, your house boring, your designer labels boring, your income boring, your liposuction boring, your hatred of poor people boring, your intolerance, graceless pandering to the "elite," and self-absorbed nattering BORING.

So, to sum up, most of the human race is comprised of a smelly, filthy, prejudiced, status-worshiping, lying, cruel, non-empathetic, boring subspecies.

And that is why I prefer the company of my cat. Sure, she may lick her butt once in a while, but at least she's real about it.


At 6:31 PM, Blogger Rabbitch said...

If I go and have a shower, will you like me better?

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Aw, I like you as is, hunny bunny.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Granny said...

That's funny.

I've managed to misplace your email address somehow.

I've gone back and read that poem at least half a dozen times. It's comforting.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

According to some, I'm just a big ol' misanthropic meanie (or is that "weinie"?, Ann. ;-)

The fact that you found my post funny is a testament to your uber coolness.

Sending you an e-mail a.s.a.p.

At 4:33 PM, Anonymous aphid said...

Unfortunately for us, "stupid asshole" is the default for the human race -- in other words, we all are. The smartest people I've met are invariably also in some way dumber than a pubic louse. The nicest people I've met have had the capacity for being a selfish, insensitive twat from time to time. You need to accept your inner douchebag, grasshopper.

But yeah, I shoot people like you've just described on sight. You do rant alot, but I agree with almost everything you rant about so you're okay by me. Perhaps we can get together some time and throw rocks at passing cars, and laugh. Wheeeeee.

At 10:07 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Long as I get to throw the biggest rocks, Aphid. ;-)

At 10:26 AM, Blogger SamD said...

Testify sister, testify!

At 7:40 PM, Blogger gerry rosser said...

So I was reading your post, and in the background (because I didn't go find the fucking remote) Dr. Phil was holding forth. What a smarmy MF that guy is.
But back to the point. Your post made me glad that, almost without exception, I go through life without interacting with anyone outside my family (blood and marriage). [I'm talking the traditional kind of interaction, not this blogging kind--and I do very little interacting in this universe]
I wash my hands a lot, by the way, because at any moment I might pick up my guitar, and I hate grinding finger crap into the strings and fretboard. Well, I also just hate to have sticky/grubby fingers. This dates back to my early childhood (my mother told me that). I was out on a "date" many years ago (date got quotes because to me it was just dinner with a colleague of the opposite gender). She thought I was excessively wiping my hands, and I expressed my distaste for sticky fingers. All unbeknownst to me (she told me this years later), she took that to mean that as a sexual partner (potentially--I guess it had crossed her mind, it hadn't crossed mine), I would be squeamish about handling any moist private parts, and so she decided she wasn't interested. Why she felt the need, years later, to relate this, is beyond me. On the other hand, I do recall that her conversation that prior night included asking me if I were excited about the prospect of watching two women doing sexual stuff.

Oh, yeah, back to the point: your post. Everything you say is pretty much true. Sorry I went off on a self-centered tangent. I seem very tangential lately.

At 6:51 AM, Blogger Alice said...

"Their weight"

Okay, I'll give you that one. But I'm trying to talk about it less, and I really really do try not to smell if I can help it. I wash and use Dove deoderant and everything.


PS: I love the phrase I read in a book called the Darwin Awards: "If Evolution really works, what's with all the stupid people??"


Hope you're ok. I am. Ish.

Much love,


At 11:31 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Gerry, no need to apologize, baby -- I live on self-centered tangents. ;-)

Alice, so glad to see you, hon! I've been...ishy as well...

Also, a bit of an ass...

I keep meaning to read the rest of your manuscript, and then shit happens that takes me from my intended task.

My Internet usage has been forcibly whittled down to five or ten minute increments during the past month or so. Hopefully, this summer will afford me more time.

Love you, Alice. And talk all you want about any subject you wish -- you are of the Chosen Few (meaning, one of the few that doesn't make me want to hurl). ;-)


Post a Comment

<< Home