No Wonder Brad Booked (Booked: 80's slang meaning to flee, leave, go somewhere else; commonly used by stoners )I stumbled upon a curious thing today via Perez Hilton, something that confirmed my longtime suspicions at last, something about Jennifer Aniston’s nipples, to be exact.
Some of you may remember my distaste of all things Aniston, but one of my biggest peeves regarding that little honey chin is most definitely her improbably erect nipples. I hate ‘em. No matter what the woman is doing, no matter what medium she is displaying her abysmal lack of talent, no matter if it’s winter, spring, summer or fall, no matter if she’s wearing a turtleneck sweater, bulky jacket or teeny tank, Aniston makes sure that her vinyl record-size areoles and rubber eraser nips are glued on tight, stiff and ready for camera action.
I heard through a friend of a friend of a friend who is a friend of a friend to Brad Pitt that he bears some wicked scarring on his back due to being constantly scraped and prodded by Aniston’s mondo pasties while lying in the spoon position.. That same friend of a friend of a friend also divulged that the fake nipple-honkers are festooned with tiny thorn-like black hairs -- it’s anybody’s guess as to why.
Here, for your disapproval, is photographic proof that Jennifer Aniston sports fake, hairy, black nipples:
At least she could get some of those realistic flesh-colored fake nipples, you know, like Marilyn Monroe used to wear. I might add that only Marilyn could get away with fake nipples, Marilyn and nobody else., because Marilyn was a true star, a genius talent, a beautiful, adorable, dark goddess, and she wore her fake nipples discretely, with class and fabulous, coquettish decorum.
You sicken me, Aniston. Why don't you and your fake nips go ride off into the sunset of obscurity with that drunken, disheveled Lothario of yours so I don't have to write such nasty things anymore. You make me like this, Jen, and I don't enjoy it one bit.