One Whipped Mother

Annie Lennox is the Coolest Woman That Ever Lived

Still have chills after watching the Eurythmics perform on last night's American Music Awards.

Anyway, since this is the time of year where Americans should be reflecting on their good fortune, I've compiled a list of things I am thankful for:

1) Annie Lennox's words
2) Annie Lennox's voice
3) Annie Lennox's gorgeous gorgeousness

Aw, that's silly (silly but true). Okay, here's my actual list of thanks -- be prepared to be absolutely bored out of your skulls:

1) My kids, despite my hatred of self when they make me so nervous while I'm trying to take a shower, I am forced to scream "Fucking stop fighting, goddamn it!" and they ignore me, continue fighting, throwing objects, wreaking havoc, making the boy shriek, and soap is burning my eyeballs, and someone flushes the toilet, and something in the living room breaks, something that sounds like a treasured Egyptian knickknack, so I grow gigantic demonic testicles, which, of course, frightens me and adds to my nervousness, and I scream "I'm going to fucking kill you all -- do you hear me! ALL OF YOU!" and upon exiting the bathroom half-washed, fire-eyed and wrapped in a towel that barely covers my ass, discover the neighbors' kid sitting on the couch, and our eyes lock, and my throat constricts, and the kid's mouth gapes open in a silent scream then runs home to tell her parents that Ms. Lori has gigantic demonic testicles.

2) My cat, despite my hatred of cleaning cat vomit, because I love her face way too much. And I also love the way she suckers me into giving her extra helpings of breakfast by reciting poetry to me every morning -- today it was Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night," and she received not one, not two, but three extra helpings of Fancy Feast for her troubles.

3) My friends. I do love you, you know, despite my hatred of phones.

4) My awesome cooking skills, despite my hatred of touching raw meat. My turkey melts in the mouth, my stuffing brings tears of joy to the eyes, my vegetable casserole has magical healing powers, my mashed potatoes, manna, only better because it doesn't drop from the sky and gunk up your hair.

5) My husband, Lar. I do love you, you know, despite my hatred.

Have a beautiful Thanksgiving, everyone.

posted by Ms. Lori @ 8:02 AM