Monday, October 24, 2005

Luigi the Irritable Poop-Throwing Monkey Claims His Next Victims

Hi. I’m Luigi the Irritable Poop-Throwing Monkey, Ms. Lori’s guest blogger for the day. Ms. Lori wants to appear important by having guest bloggers, like all the “bigtime” bloggers do, so she asked me to contribute a little something. I apologize in advance for the scatological nature of the following post, but I am, after all, a monkey.

The Victims and Their Crimes (Because I Like Contradiction):

Fergie of Black Eyed Peas -- She and her lady humps sicken me. Shut up, shut up, shutupshutupshutupshutthefuckup you revolting humanoid from Planet Plasticine. Please do Earth a favor and go back home -- and take your creepy man-things with you.

She’s a four-turder.

Anne Rice -- I respect this woman; “Interview With the Vampire” is sheer brilliance, though I admit it's the only Rice novel I do find brilliant…Okay, the only one I‘ve managed to slog through (which should impress the hell out of you regardless, considering I can‘t read). Also, her strength and courage while living through virtual hell on earth is inspiring. I mean, I have a nervous breakdown if the zookeeper is ten minutes late with my lunch -- I can’t imagine the pain she’s endured. And I’m happy that she’s found peace through her faith, but,shutup,shutupshutupshutuppleaseMs.Riceshutup!

One and a half turds for milady.

Madonna -- Check your “But I really am Jewish!” proclamations, your Carl Saganesque speech pattern, your socially retarded friend Britney (who I am ashamed to admit is related to me by marriage), your five dollar bottle of “special” water, your pedestrian literary efforts and Gestapo-like mothering into rehab and release yourself from the demons of self-worship. Get thee back to your gritty, fun-genius-maverick roots, “Esther,” before you overdose on your own mediocrity. Definitely a five-turder.

Six if she continues wearing her current hairdo.

The entire Bush administration -- There aren’t enough bananas in the world that would allow me to produce adequate turdage.


At 9:19 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Luigi! Say hi to Ms. Lori for me.

Fergie freaks me out. She looks a bit dirty and nasty and has TERRIBLE fashion sense, and I think, oh don't be so cruel, she's put out some funky songs and I'm all practising zen-like acceptance of Fergie, and then SHE PEES HER PANTS.

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

I suppose I should confess to tapping my paws to the beat of one or two BEP songs myself, but only when I'm intoxicated. I still hate her, though. When I hear that plastic freak waxing idiotic about her "lady humps," my monkey butt starts atwitchin'...

And yeah, I saw the pissed pants picture. I hurled ten turds at that one, babe.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger Jas... said...

Damn, Luigi!

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Alexis said...

LUIGI!! I feel the same about that stupid ass song - I CANNOT believe that they play it on the radio. Kisses to Ms. Lori (Nice new pic and cool layout!) xxx

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

What, Jas? What'd I do?!

Thanks, Alexis! Ms. Lori returns the smoochies twofold.


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