Luigi the Irritable Poop-Throwing Monkey Claims His Next VictimsHi. I’m Luigi the Irritable Poop-Throwing Monkey, Ms. Lori’s guest blogger for the day. Ms. Lori wants to appear important by having guest bloggers, like all the “bigtime” bloggers do, so she asked me to contribute a little something. I apologize in advance for the scatological nature of the following post, but I am, after all, a monkey.
The Victims and Their Crimes (Because I Like Contradiction):
Fergie of Black Eyed Peas -- She and her lady humps sicken me. Shut up, shut up, shutupshutupshutupshutthefuckup you revolting humanoid from Planet Plasticine. Please do Earth a favor and go back home -- and take your creepy man-things with you.
She’s a four-turder.
Anne Rice -- I respect this woman; “Interview With the Vampire” is sheer brilliance, though I admit it's the only Rice novel I do find brilliant…Okay, the only one I‘ve managed to slog through (which should impress the hell out of you regardless, considering I can‘t read). Also, her strength and courage while living through virtual hell on earth is inspiring. I mean, I have a nervous breakdown if the zookeeper is ten minutes late with my lunch -- I can’t imagine the pain she’s endured. And I’m happy that she’s found peace through her faith, but,shutup,shutupshutupshutuppleaseMs.Riceshutup!
One and a half turds for milady.
Madonna -- Check your “But I really am Jewish!” proclamations, your Carl Saganesque speech pattern, your socially retarded friend Britney (who I am ashamed to admit is related to me by marriage), your five dollar bottle of “special” water, your pedestrian literary efforts and Gestapo-like mothering into rehab and release yourself from the demons of self-worship. Get thee back to your gritty, fun-genius-maverick roots, “Esther,” before you overdose on your own mediocrity. Definitely a five-turder.
Six if she continues wearing her current hairdo.
The entire Bush administration -- There aren’t enough bananas in the world that would allow me to produce adequate turdage.