Friday, June 24, 2005

Rickles Rocks!

As many of you know, I’m easily amused. Behold the top five things that amused me this week:

1) While enjoying a nice, quiet, pre-nap cuddle with my three-year-old son, he suddenly poked at my breasts and said “Mommy, you drink too much water!”

2) The fact that my next door neighbor’s three-year-old girl calls me “Larry.” I hear that married couples begin to resemble one another after a time, but honestly, Lar couldn’t possibly drink enough water…

3) The Dance of the Kowtowing Dreamer that my youngest daughter performed yesterday while begging me to allow her to go to Washington, D.C. with her friend. I told her no -- at first. I mean, come on, I‘m supposed to think it’s a wonderful idea for her to go to D.C. on an hour‘s notice? Her first trip away from home? To Satan‘s lair, no less? Uh uh. No way, chicken lips..But then she began the dance, and my goodness gosh, what a dance it was. She threw her bony little arms about and spun and sang a song of mommy worship that rivaled any begging song to date. It went something like this: “Please, Mommy, please/spin/ I want to go soooo bad/ May I go to Washington, please/ I promise to be good/ This is my biggest dream/ double spin, en pointe/ You are the best mommy/ clap / I love you oh so much/ spin, arm flap/ stops, looks directly in my eyes/ This is a wonderful opportunity for me, especially considering we never go anywhere.

Remember, kids, guilt is the most powerful persuader on earth..

4) When the Supreme Court ruled that the big G could snatch your property on a whim and use it for a parking lot, my eyes rolled back in my head, my body began to jerk spasmodically, and a horrendous laugh of the damned erupted from my wide-open mouth. Though I didn‘t find that moment particularly amusing, my husband sure did.

5) Don Rickles, man! Don fucking Rickles! On Leno! About damn time Leno gave props to the old school comedians. Don, in all his politically incorrect glory, showed him how it’s done. You go, you old, bald, cadaverous bastard, you!

10 Comments:

At 2:31 PM, Blogger P.J.Backman said...

[Insert quip using the term 'bota bag' here] ;)


Good to see you back, missy.

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger G-Man said...

I remember when my son was about 3 or 4 years old and he was harrassing the shit out of me to buy him an action figure toy he had seen on one of his fav cartoon shows. It was near Christmas time and our plan was for me to take him to Toys R Us to get some ideas for Santa. I told him if he wanted to do this he had to stop the relentless begging for this action figure. So, he was completely silent until we got to within about 300 yards of the store. In a small and very serious voice he said, "Dad, I got a message from God." To be honest, I thought something really devine was taking place and I'd likely be on Larry King someday sharing this miracle with the world. Well, you know what the message was and because I thought it was so original I bought the fucking action figure. The crazy thing was he never showed any devilish glee in having tricked me, which makes me wonder...

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Jas... said...

You remain ever, one of my most favorite bloggers! Though I haven't seen you in a while. Great to see you back on the scene!

:D
Jas...

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger k1tchenwitch said...

hey, I've missed reading you! Glad you're back. And now, I'm off to guzzle gallons & gallons of water. . .

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger SJ said...

Larry, er, Lori, you are correct. Loving Rickles should be all of our goal!

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Rotting Dead said...

Yeah, Rickles rules! Not as much as you do, but not everyone is perfect.

Hope you have a great holiday weekend.

(*Hugs*)

And my "Land of the Dead" review is up.

CJ

 
At 4:56 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

Hope you had a Happy Happy Fourth with lots of beers and sunshine!!!! XXXXXXX

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Kath said...

Great blog. Very funny! I'm on the look out for new "favourites". I'll be back!

 
At 8:57 PM, Blogger bevjackson said...

Ahhh, I've missed you. So good to have a second to read something again. Especially something deliciously funny by you.

Moving Hell!! But it's almost over!!

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Ms. Lori said...

Peter, "bota bag"? I'm lost...hold me.

G-Man, that was freaking PRECIOUS. Thanks for the laugh.

Jas, thank you! Thanks for sticking around. I loves ya, too.

Hey Ms. Witch! Been ages since I heard from you! I'll be poking my face in your journal shortly...

SJ, I completely agree!

CJ, Thanks, babe. I'll check out your review a.s.a.p.!

Alexis, yeah! Had a good one. Hope you did, too, over there in Merry Olde.

Kathy, welcome! Where'd you find me, girl? And please don't say through a Google search for "pudendum." Please.

Bev! Congrats on making the move. Hope your new digs are the best yet. Oh, and if you need to "break" the place in, I'm willing to help with a bottle or two and a bag of Taco Bell. Tell me when, and I'm so there. ;-)

 

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